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Thursday, January 6, 2011

Good Deed #49- Be Kind to Your Wife

1. 4:4 (Y. Ali) And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.
2. And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (30:21)
3. 4:19 (Y. Ali) O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.
4. Narrated Sa’d bin Abi Waqqas: Allah’s Apostle said, “You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allah’s sake even if it were a morsel which you put in your wife’s mouth.” (Bukhari)
5. The Prophet (S.A.W) prayed for such people: “May Allah grant mercy to a man who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up his wife, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face; may Allah grant mercy to a woman who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up her husband, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.”
6. Is there any man among you who goes to his wife, closes the door behind them, covers themselves and conceals themselves by Allah’s concealing?” They said: “Yes.” He then said: “Then he sits after that [with others] and says, ‘I did this and that.’” They were silent. He then turned to the women and said: “Do any of you talk about such things?” They, too, were silent. Then a young girl stood up on her toes so the Prophet (S.A.W) could see her and hear her and she said: “O Messenger of Allah they [the men] certainly talk about that and they [the women] also talk about it.” He (S.A.W) said: “Do you know what they are like? They are like a female devil who met a male devil in the street and they satisfied their desires with the people looking on.” (Sahih Abu Daud)
7. Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: A man came to the Prophet and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! I have enlisted in the army for such-and-such Ghazwa, and my wife is leaving for Hajj.” Allah’s Apostle said, “Go back and perform Hajj with your wife.”
8. The Prophet (S.A.W) said that the best gift or charity (sadaqa) is that spent on one’s wife.
9. The Prophet (S.A.W) has said, “No believing man hates his believing wife. If there is a bad quality in her, there will also be a good quality.”
10. The Prophet (S.A.W) said, “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.”
11. Related by Ayesha (R.A) that the Prophet (S.A.W) said, “Good among you are those who are good to their wives; and I, on my part, am very good to my wives.”

Action Plan

1. The first and worthiest condition of marriage to be fulfilled by the husband is to keep the promise or promises he made to the wife at the time he married her.
2. The husband cannot order her to do anything that is against Islam.
3. He must exercise patience and be prepared to listen to her advice in every situation.
4. If she invites him to wake up and perform the late night prayer, it is praiseworthy for him to do so and vice-versa. He must respect her and pay attention to her needs so that she will respect him and pay attention to his.
5. He must control his passions and act in a moderate manner especially in the context of sexual
intercourse. Remember that Allah has placed between you and her “friendship and mercy”
(mawadda wa rahma), not the gratification of your every lust.
6. He must never ever divulge the secrets of the household and those of the married couple.
7. He must strive with sincerity to acquire her trust, and seek her welfare in all the actions that pertain to her.
8. He must treat her generously at all times. If she works outside the house, it is praiseworthy for the husband to hire house help to relieve her from too heavy a burden. The wife’s duties do not require her to feed her child, nor even to nurse it, nor to clean nor cook. It is the husband’s duty to provide a nursemaid, food for older children, and servants to clean and cook. However, if the wife does those things out of mercy and love, it is a gift to the husband on her part.
9. He must avoid excessive jealousy
10. He must protect her honor and not place her in situations where it is compromised or belittled.
11. He must exercise patience and forgiveness in the case of disagreement or dispute.
12. He must not dwell on what he dislikes in his wife, but on what he likes.
13. The husband is not to stay away from his wife or keep his wife in a state of suspense, whether at home or abroad, for a protracted period of time except with her consent.
14. The Prophet (S.A.W) said: “Do not beat your wife.” He also said: “Do not strike your wife in the face.” The expiation for striking one’s slave in the face is to set him or her free on the spot, but what expiation is there for striking one’s wife? The Prophet (S.A.W) condemned the man who beats his wife in the day and then approaches her at night. And to beat her to the extent of inflicting serious injury is enough grounds for her to obtain divorce from the judge.
15. Caring for one’s wife’s sexual fulfillment is an obligation of religion. The Prophet (S.A.W) warned against rushing to gratify one’s pleasure and forgetting that of one’s wife. He also disliked that the husband should quickly withdraw from his wife afterwards, as it is a strain upon the wife. If she asks for intercourse, he should not refuse.


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