The Cohesive Nature of the Family by Jamaal al-Din Zarabozo (4 Parts)

Only parts 2 and 3 are used here in this post. For the full article, please check the link at the bottom of this post.

Part 2: The Role of Husband and Wife

The Spouse [1]

Marriage is a very important institution in Islam. The Quran shows that there is a clear bond between men and women. In numerous places in the Quran, God reminds humans that they are from the same original human being. It is through this bond that they are interconnected and through these bonds that some of their rights upon one another are established. God states at the opening of Chapter 4, entitled “The Women”: “O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, who created you from a single person, and from him He created his wife, and from them both He created many men and women and fear God through whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)! Surely, God is ever an All-Watcher over you.” (Quran 4:1)

However, beyond the beginning that the two sexes have in common, God points out that the love and affection that He has created in the hearts of the spouses towards another is one of His great signs that act as portents for those people of understanding. In other words, such people can look at this aspect of creation and be reminded of the greatness of God’s work and power, the perfection of His creation and the magnificent mercy God has placed in this world. God says: “And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose and comfort in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Quran 39:21)

God also says: “He it is who created you from a single person (Adam), and then He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her…” (Quran 7:189)

Thus, according to the Quran, the relationship between a man and his wife should be one of love, mercy and mutual understanding. God also commands men to treat their wives kindly in the verse: “…And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you dislike them, it may well be that your dislike something which God might yet make a source of abundant good.” (Quran 4:19)

A few words about the purpose of marriage in Islam should be given. This is needed because many times people enter into marriage or desire to get married without realizing the roles and purpose of marriage itself. In turn, they do not realize the kinds of responsibilities that will be on their shoulders when they do get married. However, if the purposes of marriage are known and the responsibilities that marriage will entail are understood at the outset, once again, the probability that the marriage will be a successful marriage will be enhanced. The person will know what is expected of him, both with respect to his responsibilities and duties and his rights.

Obviously, the purpose of marriage is not simply “fun” or the release of “animal urges”. There is much more to marriage than that. Some of the goals behind marriage include [2]: procreating, experiencing permissible physical pleasure, attainment of one’s complete maturity, mutually assisting one another in making one’s life in this world, attaining numerous psychological and physiological benefits, forming the cornerstone of a moral society, bringing up the next generation in a setting that is most conducive for moral and spiritual growth and binding peoples and families together.

The Rights of a Husband and a Wife

In order for a marriage to work best, each partner should understand fully well his or her rights, responsibilities, roles and obligations. For this reason, Islamic Law has laid down very clear rights and responsibilities for a Muslim husband and wife. At the same time, though, every married person must realize that one’s spouse is first and foremost another Muslim. He/she is one’s brother/sister in Islam. Therefore, all the rights that fall upon a Muslim due to the general brotherhood of Islam are also due to one’s spouse. There are books on the behavior of a Muslim, brotherhood and love and loyalty among Muslims, and all of those principles apply to a married person as his spouse is part of that Islamic brotherhood and community. Furthermore, the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, also stressed this point when he stated: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)

However, one’s spouse has even more rights upon a person due to the great and important contract that has been contracted between them. [3]

Therefore, when discussing the rights of the husbands and wives, this matter should not be looked at in a cold or legal fashion. The relationship between the husband and wife must be much more than a matter of rights stated by the law that each must abide by. Instead, it should be a relationship of love, support and mutual understanding. Each spouse should take into consideration the needs and abilities of the other spouse. They should attempt to make each other happy, even if they have to compromise sometimes, and not simply be out to make sure that they are getting all of their rights in the marriage. Actually, it is usually the case that neither spouse is completely fulfilling the rights of the other and making the other happy. Hence, they both have to realize and accept their shortcomings.

The Prophet, in particular, advised the husbands to treat their wives in the best way perhaps due to their greater authority or due to their greater strength, in general. The Prophet said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his family (wife) and I am the best of you to my family.” (Al-Tirmidhi and ibn Majah)

Footnotes:
[1] For more details on the Islamic laws of marriage, see the author’s “The Fiqh of the Family, Marriage and Divorce” (American Open University, 1997), passim. The discussion here is based on sections of that work.
[2] Cf., Abdul Rahman Abdul Khaaliq, Al-Zawaaj fi Dhill al-Islaam (Kuwait: al-Daar al-Salafiyyah, 1988), pp. 21ff.
[3] God says in the Quran, “And how could you take it [back] while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant” (Quran 4:21).

Part 3: Mutual Rights of the Spouses

Actually, both spouses, in general, fail to some extent in their fulfilling of the other’s obligations. Hence, before criticizing the other or being harsh with the other due to some shortcoming, the person should look to himself and realize what wrong he himself is doing.

At the same time, though, Islamic Law has clearly laid down some rights and responsibilities so that both parties in the marriage know exactly what is expected of them and know what they need to fulfill to be a proper spouse. Thus, for example, God says: “…And they [women] have rights [over their husbands] similar to those over them according to what is reasonable…” (Quran 2:228)

In sum, the rights of the wife or the obligations of the husband include, among others, the following:

1) Receiving her proper dower: God says: “And give the women their dower with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm.” (Quran 4:4)

2) Being fully and completely financially maintained by her husband: God says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means…” (Quran 4:34)

Furthermore, in a hadeeth recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim, the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, told Hind bint Utbah, when she complained that her husband (Abu Sufyan) was very stingy and was not maintaining her and she asked if she could take from his wealth without his knowledge: “Take what is sufficient for you and your child, according to what is customary.”

3) Being treated in a proper and kind manner: God states: “…And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which God might yet make a source of abundant good” (Quran 4:19)

4) Having the right to sexual intercourse: In the Sahih of Ibn Hibban there is the following narration: The wife of Uthman ibn Madh’oon complained to the Messenger of God that her husband had no need for women. During the day, he would fast and at night, he would pray. The Prophet asked him, “Am I not the best example for you to follow?” He answered, “Certainly, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you.” The Messenger of God then told him, “As for you, you pray during the night and you fast during the day. Certainly, your wife has a right upon you and your body has a right upon you. So pray and sleep and fast and break your fast.”

5) Having the right to “privacy”: Note the following hadeeth of the Prophet: “Is there any man among you who goes to his wife, closes the door behind then, covers themselves, and conceals themselves by God’s concealing.” They said, “Yes.” He then said, “Then he sits after that [with others] and he says, ‘I did this and that.’” They were silent. He then turned to the women and said, “Do any of you talk about such things?” They were also silent. Then a young girl came up on her toes so the Prophet could see her and hear her and she said, “O Messenger of God, they [the men] certainly talk about it and they [the women] also talk about it.” He said, “Do you know what they are like? They are like a female devil who met a devil in the street and they satisfied their desires with the people looking on.” [1]

6) The right to being taught or learning her religion.

On the other hand, the rights of the husband or the responsibilities of the women include:

1) Being the head of the household: God has said: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means…” (Quran 4:34)

Although this is usually stated as a right of the husband, it is actually a heavy responsibility on his shoulders, as it means that he has the responsibility to guide his family and keep them along the straight path.

2) Having the right to be obeyed: This goes with the first right. A person cannot be the head of something if he has no authority.

3) Having his wife answer his call to meet his sexual needs.

4) That the wife will not allow anyone in his house except by his permission: In a hadeeth recorded in al-Bukhari and Muslim, the Messenger of God said: “Do not allow anyone into his house except by permission.”

If the husband and wife enter into the marriage with the right intention of pleasing God and pleasing each other, recognizing their roles and responsibilities in the marriage and treating each other with proper Islamic behavior, God willing, their union will be a blessed union that will stretch from this life into the Hereafter.

Having said what was just said about marriage, Islam, though, is also a practical religion. It takes into consideration all possible common scenarios. It is possible for a man and woman to enter into a union with good intentions yet their personalities and likes simply do not coincide with one another. There are times in which a good marriage simply cannot be achieved and the spouses enter into a state of misery. Under such circumstances, Islamic Law allows for an end to the marriage and their suffering. [2] The goal is to either stay together in a friendly manner or to separate in a goodly manner. Thus, for example, God says: “And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, either take them back on reasonable basis or set them free on reasonable basis…” (Quran 2:231)

God also says: “Then when they are about to fulfill their term appointed [bringing an end to the divorce], either take them back in a good manner or part with them in a good manner…” (Quran 65:2)

Obviously, divorce is not a desired goal or a light matter. In a perfect world, all married couples would be in bliss. However, there are times in which this option is the best for all parties concerned. Thus, the option of divorce is in accord with the overall goal of preserving the family—it is not simply quantity, though, such that all marriages always stay in tact, that is desired but quality.

Footnotes:
[1] Abu Dawud.
[2] Unfortunately, in some Muslim cultures today, divorce has become so “shameful” they have neglected this important guidance of Islamic Law, leading to spouses suffering in silence. This is definitively not the goal of Islamic Law concerning such issues.

Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/494/viewall/