Your friends gather. Smoke curls in thick, humid air. Laughter and slurred words swirl together as bodies twirl and vibrate in time with pounding drums. Voices glide into eager ears, lacing minds with alluring words. Red, blue, green lights blink and flash--dotting open eyes with blinding colour. Hands wave, heads toss, bodies shake into oblivion. Glasses clink, cold orangey liquid drips and pools on greasy tables.
Fear grasps your heart. You walk on the edge of a knife; your friends clasp the handle and wave it like a sword. Your faith wanders onto the chopping block. Warning bells scream. You want to stop, you want to save your faith—but you slide along the edge of the knife. Your faith is sliced and diced. You wonder why you didn’t try. Your friends disperse.
Friends gather. Light flickers through shadow. Prayers flutter into the arms of a new day. Hands grip ancient texts, fingers follow curved winding letters, and eyes strain to grasp meaning. Hands point towards Heaven, voices plead for hope, bodies bow in harmony in submission to the One. Peace descends.
Relief streams through your veins, nourishing your heart. You walk a wide, straight path—your friends ahead, beside and behind—catching you when you fall, pushing you forward. Your faith weakens as you climb a steep hill. Your friends tie ropes of faith around your waist and pull you over. Firm belief drips from your lips. You thank Allah. Your friends gather.
Our friends can either be the rope that ties us to our faith in Allah, or the knife that cuts any connection we had with our Creator. They are blessings, they are tests. Ask yourself, who are your friends? And more importantly, what kind of friend are you?
“You can do it!” “I have faith in you!”; “C’mon don’t be a wimp”; "Here, try one”; “If you say no, people will think you’re weird”; “Don’t hang out with those boring, ‘religious’ guys!”
Whether you are in school, college, university, or working in the corporate world, these are the voices of many of the people you interact with. In our teenage culture, which exaggerates the idea of personal freedom and excessive entertainment, you are exposed to peer pressure.
You Know You Are a Victim of Peer Pressure When…
Most teenagers fall into flirting, clubbing, smoking, cursing, cheating, stealing, bullying, gambling, drinking, drugs, pornography and other immoral practices due to negative peer pressure. You know you are a victim of this pressure when you:
1. Are curious to try something new because "everyone's doing it";
2. Want to be liked, to fit in, to look cool;
3. Worry that others will think you are weird or a coward if you resist;
4. Say and do things in the group which you would not do on your own;
5. Wish your parents should stay out of your ‘social life’;
6. Do something without questioning the outcome.
Beat the Pressure: Tips to Try!
A) Before the Pressure Strikes
1. Know your values, beliefs and limits
Ask yourself 'What are my boundaries?'’ before anything happens. Know what pleases and offends Allah. He is the One who created you, sustains you, and helps you. Study your faith and clarify your limits of ‘fun’ so you can resist the pressure with confidence.
2. Prepare your strategy
Plan ahead of time what you can say and do in difficult situations. If your friend invites you to a party on a Friday night, you can imagine what you may encounter. If, at the party, someone cracks open a can of beer and offers you a swig, what will you do? Having a strategy will help you shun the pressure and keep your honor intact.
3. Steer clear of potential trouble
Usually we know with whom, when and where the pressure to do wrong can emerge. Avoid late night outings, including malls, movies, parties, and clubs, especially with friends who don’t share your values. Watch out for places where gender-mixing takes place.
4. Choose who you hang out with
a. You become like those you hang out with. As the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) once said, “A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look (carefully) whom you choose to befriend.” [Ahmad]
b. Don’t belong to the ‘popular crowd’. The quarrels, competition, fads, and deception involved in the ‘popular crowd’ are not worth the image. Choose your friends based on character, not popularity or status.
c. Friends who are not sincere and do not love you for your principles, will gradually lure you into an artificial world of false hopes. Either help these friends change gently, or abandon their company before it’s too late!
5. Participate in the community!
There are immense benefits of getting involved with your local food bank, seniors’ home, children’s program, anti-racism group, newspaper, library, mosque, Muslim youth group, or any other project that helps society. For instance, you:
a. Avoid wasting time just ‘hanging out’ with your friends;
b. Enhance your skills and talents;
c. Meet people who share the same values and enjoy the same activities;
d. Gain confidence to influence others through positive peer pressure;
e. Earn rewards from Allah!
6. Don’t kill your eyes: watch less tv!
Yes, it’s tough to escape peer pressure, especially when your friends keep talking about the clothes, the music and the stars they watch on TV. Today, TV defines teen culture. TV, with its barrage of alluring ads and captivating shows, tells you how to dress and act, what is cool and sexy, and what is ‘in’ and ‘out’. Let Islam, not TV, decide your dress code, morals, and values.
7. ‘Goofy’ teachers, ‘dumb’ parents, ‘preachy’ imams can help!
Teachers, parents, Imams, and counsellors—a group of potential friends we often ignore—can be the first line of defence. When you feel weak in your relationship with Allah or find yourself in a tough situation, be smart—consult them!
8. Make dua!
Ask Allah to help you resist the pressures around you.
B) When Facing the Pressure
1. Think about the consequences of every action. Use wisdom, not emotion.
2. Say ‘No’ with courage. Make it clear how you feel about the situation. Explain why. It may be an opportunity to invite your friends to the Islamic way of life.
3. Use Humour. Throw out a funny line to ease the tension and show how you feel! “I don’t drink. I can’t afford to kill my brain cells. Unfortunately, I only have a few left as it is!”
4. Suggest a better idea. “Why don’t we play some hockey, instead of watching that movie? It’ll save us some money too!”
5. Remember Allah, your best Friend! He is there to help you. The Prophet told his close companion: “By Allah! Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will replace it with something better than it!”
Are Your Friends Worth It? Use the Checklist to Find Out!
Does your friend fit these traits of a sincere, loving, and true friend?
1. Does he help you become a better and productive person? It’s a mistaken belief that a ‘good friend likes you for what you are’. A sincere friend inspires you, either with words or actions, to improve your personality and situation.
In a beautiful analogy, the Prophet likened the company of a sincere friend to visiting a perfume seller. Every time you visit the perfume seller, you benefit from his shop: You get some perfume as a present, or you buy some from him or, at the least, you obtain a beautiful fragrance from his company. [Bukhari & Muslim]
2. Is she like a mirror to you? The Prophet stated, “The believer is like a mirror to other believers (in truthfulness).” [Abu Daud]. Like a mirror, your friend gives you an honest image. She forgives your mistakes, but does not hide or exaggerate your strengths and weaknesses.
3. Does his manners and lifestyle remind you of Allah? Once the Prophet was asked, “What person can be the best friend?” “He who helps you remember Allah, and reminds you when you forget Him,” he counselled.
The Prophet was further asked, “Who is the best among people?” He replied, “He who, when you look at him, you remember God”. Such a friend reflects qualities of love, mercy, honesty, service, patience, optimism, professionalism, and the entire lifestyle taught by Islam.
4. Does he love you solely for the sake of Allah? The bonds we form at work, school and in the neighbourhood may whither over time if they are not built for the right reason. Friendship based on Islamic principles is sincere and everlasting, since it is strengthened by a higher purpose and fervent faith.
5. Do you feel comfortable and secure in her presence? If your friend’s company makes you feel guilty about the things you do and thoughts you share, you must question the benefit of this relationship. Consider the wise saying: “Being alone is better than having an evil companion and having a sincere companion is better than being alone.”
If your friend does not like you for the beauty of your character, intelligence, morality, and sincerity, you deserve better!
“And keep yourself content with those who call on their Lord morning and evening, seeking His Countenance, and let not your eyes pass beyond them to those who seek the pomp and glitter of this life.” [18:28]
Source: http://web.youngmuslims.ca/resources/brochures/93-coolfool.html
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Humane Treatment of Animals
God, the Creator of human beings and animals, has made animals subservient to us. We depend on animals for the food we eat and the milk we drink. We bring animals into our homes for love and companionship. We survive critical illness and live longer because of biomedical research on animals. We visit zoos and aquariums to gain an appreciation for the spectacular diversity of life on earth. We benefit from specially trained dogs that detect drugs, guide the blind, and assist the disabled. God says in the Quran: “And the cattle, He has created them for you. You have in them warm clothing and (other) advantages, and of them you eat. And therein is beauty for you, when you drive them back (home) and when you send them out (to pasture). And they carry your heavy loads to regions which you could not reach but with great distress to yourselves. Surely your Lord is Compassionate, Merciful. And (He made) horses and mules and asses that you might ride upon them and as an ornament. And He creates what you know not.” (Quran 16:5-8)
The mercy of Islam extends beyond human beings to all living creations of God. Islam prohibits cruelty to animals. Fourteen hundred years ago, long before the modern animal rights movement began with the publication of Peter Singer’s book, “Animal Liberation” in 1975, Islam required kindness to animals and cruelty to them a sufficient reason for a person to be thrown into the Fire!
Once, the Prophet of mercy spoke of God’s forgiveness due to the humane treatment of animals. He told his companions the story of a man who got thirsty on his way. He found a well, climbed down inside it to the water, and quenched his thirst. When he came out he saw a panting dog licking mud out of extreme thirst. The man thought to himself, ‘The dog has become as thirsty as I was!’ The man went down the well again and got some water for the dog. God appreciated his good work and forgave him. The companions asked, ‘O Prophet of God, do we get rewarded for humane treatment of animals?’ He said, ‘There is a reward in (doing good to) every living being.’ [1]
On another occasion, Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, described God’s punishment of a woman who was sent to Hell because of a cat. She kept her locked up, neither feeding her nor setting her free to feed herself. [2]
Islam laid down humane slaughtering regulations. Islam insists that the manner of slaughter should be that which is least painful to the animal. Islam requires that the slaughtering instrument not be sharpened in front of the animal. Islam also prohibits the slaughtering of one animal in front of another. Never, prior to Islam, had the world witnessed such concern for animals.
Humane Islamic treatment of animals can be summarized by the following points:
1. Islam requires that pets or farm animals be provided with proper food, water, and a place to live. Once the Prophet passed by an emaciated camel due to hunger, he said: “Fear God in regards to these animals who can not speak their will. If you ride them, treat them accordingly (by making them strong and fit for that), and if you (plan to) eat them, treat them accordingly (by making them fat and healthy).” (Abu Dawud)
2. An animal should not be beaten or tortured. Once the Prophet of mercy passed by an animal branded on his face. He said, ‘Has it not reached you that I have cursed the one that brands an animal’s face or hits it on its face?’ [3] The Prophet of mercy advised his wife to treat an unruly camel that she was riding kindly. [4] Making animals fight one another for entertainment was also forbidden by the Prophet. [5]
3. Islam forbids using animals or birds for targets when practicing shooting. When Ibn Umar, one of the companions of Prophet Muhammad saw some people practicing archery using a hen as a target, he said: “The Prophet cursed anyone who made a living thing into a target (for practice).”
The Prophet Muhammad also said: “Whoever kills a bird or anything else without its due right, God would ask him about it.’ It was said: ‘O Messenger of God! What is its due right?’ He said: ‘To kill it for food…and do not sever its head, and throw it!’” (Targheeb)
Shooting at live pigeons was once an Olympic event and today dove shooting is allowed in many places.
4. Separating nestling birds from their mothers is not allowed in Islam.
5. It is forbidden to mutilate an animal by cutting off its ears, tails or other body parts without just reason.
6. A sick animal under one’s care should be treated properly.
Through these rules and regulations legislated in regards to animals, the Muslims gains the respect and understanding that other creatures are not to be used and abused as one wills, but that they, like humans, have rights which must be given in order to ensure that the justice and mercy of Islam be met to all which inhabit this earth.
Footnotes:
[1] Saheeh Al-Bukhari
[2] Saheeh Al-Bukhari
[3] Abu Dawud, Saheeh Muslim
[4] Saheeh Muslim
[5] Abu Dawud, Al-Tirmidhi
Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/185/
The mercy of Islam extends beyond human beings to all living creations of God. Islam prohibits cruelty to animals. Fourteen hundred years ago, long before the modern animal rights movement began with the publication of Peter Singer’s book, “Animal Liberation” in 1975, Islam required kindness to animals and cruelty to them a sufficient reason for a person to be thrown into the Fire!
Once, the Prophet of mercy spoke of God’s forgiveness due to the humane treatment of animals. He told his companions the story of a man who got thirsty on his way. He found a well, climbed down inside it to the water, and quenched his thirst. When he came out he saw a panting dog licking mud out of extreme thirst. The man thought to himself, ‘The dog has become as thirsty as I was!’ The man went down the well again and got some water for the dog. God appreciated his good work and forgave him. The companions asked, ‘O Prophet of God, do we get rewarded for humane treatment of animals?’ He said, ‘There is a reward in (doing good to) every living being.’ [1]
On another occasion, Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, described God’s punishment of a woman who was sent to Hell because of a cat. She kept her locked up, neither feeding her nor setting her free to feed herself. [2]
Islam laid down humane slaughtering regulations. Islam insists that the manner of slaughter should be that which is least painful to the animal. Islam requires that the slaughtering instrument not be sharpened in front of the animal. Islam also prohibits the slaughtering of one animal in front of another. Never, prior to Islam, had the world witnessed such concern for animals.
Humane Islamic treatment of animals can be summarized by the following points:
1. Islam requires that pets or farm animals be provided with proper food, water, and a place to live. Once the Prophet passed by an emaciated camel due to hunger, he said: “Fear God in regards to these animals who can not speak their will. If you ride them, treat them accordingly (by making them strong and fit for that), and if you (plan to) eat them, treat them accordingly (by making them fat and healthy).” (Abu Dawud)
2. An animal should not be beaten or tortured. Once the Prophet of mercy passed by an animal branded on his face. He said, ‘Has it not reached you that I have cursed the one that brands an animal’s face or hits it on its face?’ [3] The Prophet of mercy advised his wife to treat an unruly camel that she was riding kindly. [4] Making animals fight one another for entertainment was also forbidden by the Prophet. [5]
3. Islam forbids using animals or birds for targets when practicing shooting. When Ibn Umar, one of the companions of Prophet Muhammad saw some people practicing archery using a hen as a target, he said: “The Prophet cursed anyone who made a living thing into a target (for practice).”
The Prophet Muhammad also said: “Whoever kills a bird or anything else without its due right, God would ask him about it.’ It was said: ‘O Messenger of God! What is its due right?’ He said: ‘To kill it for food…and do not sever its head, and throw it!’” (Targheeb)
Shooting at live pigeons was once an Olympic event and today dove shooting is allowed in many places.
4. Separating nestling birds from their mothers is not allowed in Islam.
5. It is forbidden to mutilate an animal by cutting off its ears, tails or other body parts without just reason.
6. A sick animal under one’s care should be treated properly.
Through these rules and regulations legislated in regards to animals, the Muslims gains the respect and understanding that other creatures are not to be used and abused as one wills, but that they, like humans, have rights which must be given in order to ensure that the justice and mercy of Islam be met to all which inhabit this earth.
Footnotes:
[1] Saheeh Al-Bukhari
[2] Saheeh Al-Bukhari
[3] Abu Dawud, Saheeh Muslim
[4] Saheeh Muslim
[5] Abu Dawud, Al-Tirmidhi
Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/185/
Good Deed #37- Take Care of Animals
1. 21:107- We sent thee not, but as a mercy for all creatures.
2. 45:4 (Y. Ali) - And in the creation of yourselves and the fact that animals are scattered (through the earth), are signs for those of assured faith.
3. 6:38 (Y. Ali) - There is not an animal (that lives) on the earth, or a being that flies on its wings, but (forms part of) communities like you. Nothing have we omitted from the Book, and they (all) shall be gathered to their Lord in the end.
4. Narrated by Abdul Rahman bin Abdullah bin Mas’ud: We were on a journey with the Prophet (S.A.W), and he left us for a while. During his absence, we saw a bird called hummara with its two young and took the young ones. The mother bird was circling above us in the air, beating its wings in grief, when the Prophet came back and said: ‘Who has hurt the feelings of this bird by taking its young? Return them to her.’ (Muslim)
5. Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “While a man was walking he felt thirsty and went down a well and drank water from it. On coming out of it, he saw a dog panting and eating mud because of excessive thirst. The man said, ‘This (dog) is suffering from the same problem as that of mine. So he (went down the well), filled his shoe with water, caught hold of it with his teeth and climbed up and watered the dog. Allah thanked him for his (good) deed and forgave him.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! Is there a reward for us in serving (the) animals?” He replied, “Yes, there is a reward for serving any animal.” (Bukhari 40:551)
6. Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar: Allah’s Apostle said, “A woman was tortured and was put in Hell because of a cat which she had kept locked till it died of hunger.” Allah’s Apostle further said, (Allah knows better) Allah said (to the woman), ‘You neither fed it nor watered it when you locked it up, nor did you set it free to eat the insects of the earth.” (40:553)
7. “One who kills even a sparrow or anything smaller, without a justifiable reason, will be answerable to God.” When asked what would be a justifiable reason, he (the Prophet) replied, “To slaughter it for food—not to kill and discard it” (Ahmad).
8. The Prophet prohibited stoning animals even with pebbles: “Even if it does not kill or bleed, it may harm their eyes and teeth.” (Muslim)
9. The Prophet (S.A.W) said: “One who is enslaved to hunting is a ghaafil (i.e. lost to religion).” (At-Tirmidhi)
10. Narrated by Abu Huraira (father of the kitten): The Prophet (S.A.W) was asked if acts of charity even to the animals were rewarded by God. He replied: ‘Yes, there is a reward for acts of charity to every beast alive.’ (Bukhari, 3:322)
Action Plan
1. Having a pet is a great responsibility. Think long and hard before getting one. If you feel you can give it the care and love it deserves, always first go to the nearest SPCA and see if they have something you are looking for.
2. Find a cause, like save the whales, save the lion and contribute towards it.
3. If you see an animal that is thirsty, give it some water.
4. If you witness an animal being harmed or neglected, report it to your local SPCA.
5. Don’t tease animals, hit, or destroy their homes.
6. Anyone who possesses an animal should feed it properly and then take only as much work from it as it may bear (nothing beyond its endurance).
7. Don’t brand animals on its face or hit them on their face. It was disliked and cursed by the Prophet (S.A.W).
8. Animals for food and human consumption should be slaughtered in a quick and painless way. The Prophet (S.A.W) asked Muslims to slaughter animals with the sharpest weapon, thus causing the minimum pain and suffering to the animal. He also forbade Muslims to sharpen the weapon in front of the animal or when the animal was ready for slaughter, but told them to do these preliminaries before the animal was brought for slaughter.
9. Don’t overwork your animals (i.e. camels, horses, cows etc.)
10. Don’t keep birds in captivity.
Source: http://1000gooddeeds.com/2009/09/28/good-deed-37-take-care-of-animals/
2. 45:4 (Y. Ali) - And in the creation of yourselves and the fact that animals are scattered (through the earth), are signs for those of assured faith.
3. 6:38 (Y. Ali) - There is not an animal (that lives) on the earth, or a being that flies on its wings, but (forms part of) communities like you. Nothing have we omitted from the Book, and they (all) shall be gathered to their Lord in the end.
4. Narrated by Abdul Rahman bin Abdullah bin Mas’ud: We were on a journey with the Prophet (S.A.W), and he left us for a while. During his absence, we saw a bird called hummara with its two young and took the young ones. The mother bird was circling above us in the air, beating its wings in grief, when the Prophet came back and said: ‘Who has hurt the feelings of this bird by taking its young? Return them to her.’ (Muslim)
5. Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “While a man was walking he felt thirsty and went down a well and drank water from it. On coming out of it, he saw a dog panting and eating mud because of excessive thirst. The man said, ‘This (dog) is suffering from the same problem as that of mine. So he (went down the well), filled his shoe with water, caught hold of it with his teeth and climbed up and watered the dog. Allah thanked him for his (good) deed and forgave him.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! Is there a reward for us in serving (the) animals?” He replied, “Yes, there is a reward for serving any animal.” (Bukhari 40:551)
6. Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar: Allah’s Apostle said, “A woman was tortured and was put in Hell because of a cat which she had kept locked till it died of hunger.” Allah’s Apostle further said, (Allah knows better) Allah said (to the woman), ‘You neither fed it nor watered it when you locked it up, nor did you set it free to eat the insects of the earth.” (40:553)
7. “One who kills even a sparrow or anything smaller, without a justifiable reason, will be answerable to God.” When asked what would be a justifiable reason, he (the Prophet) replied, “To slaughter it for food—not to kill and discard it” (Ahmad).
8. The Prophet prohibited stoning animals even with pebbles: “Even if it does not kill or bleed, it may harm their eyes and teeth.” (Muslim)
9. The Prophet (S.A.W) said: “One who is enslaved to hunting is a ghaafil (i.e. lost to religion).” (At-Tirmidhi)
10. Narrated by Abu Huraira (father of the kitten): The Prophet (S.A.W) was asked if acts of charity even to the animals were rewarded by God. He replied: ‘Yes, there is a reward for acts of charity to every beast alive.’ (Bukhari, 3:322)
Action Plan
1. Having a pet is a great responsibility. Think long and hard before getting one. If you feel you can give it the care and love it deserves, always first go to the nearest SPCA and see if they have something you are looking for.
2. Find a cause, like save the whales, save the lion and contribute towards it.
3. If you see an animal that is thirsty, give it some water.
4. If you witness an animal being harmed or neglected, report it to your local SPCA.
5. Don’t tease animals, hit, or destroy their homes.
6. Anyone who possesses an animal should feed it properly and then take only as much work from it as it may bear (nothing beyond its endurance).
7. Don’t brand animals on its face or hit them on their face. It was disliked and cursed by the Prophet (S.A.W).
8. Animals for food and human consumption should be slaughtered in a quick and painless way. The Prophet (S.A.W) asked Muslims to slaughter animals with the sharpest weapon, thus causing the minimum pain and suffering to the animal. He also forbade Muslims to sharpen the weapon in front of the animal or when the animal was ready for slaughter, but told them to do these preliminaries before the animal was brought for slaughter.
9. Don’t overwork your animals (i.e. camels, horses, cows etc.)
10. Don’t keep birds in captivity.
Source: http://1000gooddeeds.com/2009/09/28/good-deed-37-take-care-of-animals/
Saturday, January 29, 2011
What Islam Says About Children by Aisha Stacey (5 Parts) continued
Part 3: Welcoming the Newborn
One of the most important obligations in Islam is for parents to love and nurture their children. Children have the right to be protected, and the right to learn how to worship and obey God. As previously discussed, children’s rights come into play even before their conception and birth and God warns humankind to protect themselves and their families from the torment of the fire.
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) …” (Quran 66:6)
The birth of a child, male or female, is a cause for great celebration. In Islam there is certain etiquette involved in welcoming the child into the family and community. There are a number of recommended rituals from the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, that are to be done that ensure the newborn is received properly by the Muslim society. However, the absence of any or all of these recommended actions does not negate any children’s rights in Islam.
It is recommended that the parents or caregivers do tahneek and pray for the newborn child. Tahneek means putting something sweet such as dates or honey into the child’s mouth. One of Prophet Muhammad’s companions, Abu Musa, may God be pleased with him, said, “I had a baby boy and I brought him to the Prophet. He named him Ibrahim, did tahneek with a date and prayed for God to bless him, and then he gave him back to me.” [1]
Noted Islamic scholar Imam an-Nawawi said that it is recommended to do tahneek with dates for the child when he is born; if that is not possible then to use some similar kind of sweet. The date should be chewed until it becomes soft enough for the baby to suck on it with ease.
The words of the call to prayer are often recited softly into the new born baby’s right ear soon after birth. The first thing the child hears in this world, are the words of submission to One God. It was reported that one of Prophet Muhammad’s companions saw him say the call to prayer in the right ear of one of his newborn grandsons. [2] The newborn child is entitled to a good name. Names are important; a person’s name conveys meaning and becomes a symbol of that person. It is recommended that the child be named on the seventh day after his or her birth, however Islamic scholar Ibn al Qayyim said the matter was “wide in scope” and that it was permissible to name the child after birth, or on the seventh day or at any time before or after those days. [3]
It is usual for the father to name the child; however scholars recommend that parents choose the name together. More important is that the child should be given a good name, such as ‘Abd-Allah or ‘Abd al-Rahmaan. Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, said, “The most beloved of your names to God are ‘Abd-Allaah (slave of God) and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan. (slave of the Most Merciful).” [4] It is also recommended that the child be named after Prophets, or righteous predecessors. Prophet Muhammad named his own son Ibrahim after Prophet Ibrahim. He said, “A child was born to me last night and I called him by the name of my father Ibrahim.” [5]
It is forbidden to use names that belong only to God, such as al-Khaaliq (the Creator) and al-Quddoos (the Most Holy), or names which are not befitting for anyone other than God, such as Malik al-Mulook (King of Kings). It is also forbidden to use names that imply enslavement to any one or anything but God, such as ‘Abd al-‘Uzza (slave of al-Uzza – a pagan goddess), Abd al-Kabah (slave of the Kabah), Abd al-Daar (slave of the House).
It is disliked to use names that have bad or distasteful meanings, or which sound odd, or would cause others to mock a person, or cause him embarrassment. It is also better not to use names that are associated with sinners or tyrants. Some scholars also dislike naming children after angels or the names of chapters of Quran. Names have meanings and implied meanings and these meanings will have an effect on the child for good or for bad. Parents must take great care when choosing an appropriate name for their newborn child.
In Islam, it is recommended that parents observe the birth of a child with an offering known as the aqeeqah. When a child is born it is commonplace for the family to slaughter one or two sheep and to invite relatives and neighbors to a meal, in order to allow the community to share in the happy event.
Although an aqeeqah is not obligatory, it does contain many benefits. Ibn al-Qayyim, said that the aqeeqah is a sacrifice by means of which the child is brought close to God soon after he comes into this world, it is a sacrifice by which the newborn is ransomed just as God ransomed Ismael with the ram [6] and it is the gathering of relatives and friends for the Waleemah (feast).
One of the rituals pertaining to newborn children and part of the rights due to children is circumcision. It is obligatory for baby boys to be circumcised. Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, said that five things are part of the inherent nature of people. They are circumcision, shaving the pubic hair, plucking the armpit hair, cutting the nails, and trimming the moustache. [7] These things are related to purity and essential conditions of prayer and imply complete submission to the will of God.
It is from the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad that the newborn child’s hair be shaved and that the weight of the hair be given in gold or silver to charity [8]. It is sufficient to estimate the weight and give the equivalent amount in currency.
Welcoming the newborn child into the family and community is more than a celebration; the rights and rituals performed serve to remind believers that children in Islam have rights. Whether the parents are alive or deceased, present or absent, known or unknown, the child is entitled to be cared for and raised in security, surrounded by God’s love and laws.
Footnotes:
[1] Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim
[2] At-Tirmidi
[3] Tuhfat al-Mawlood, p. 111
[4] Saheeh Muslim
[5] Ibid
[6] Tuhfat al-Mawlood, p. 69
[7] Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim
[8] At-Tirmidi
Part 4: Nurture, Love, and Education
Islam is a religion concerned with justice and respect and as such, it takes rights and responsibilities very seriously. Islam states that it is the responsibility of each individual to treat all of creation with respect, honour, and dignity. Respect begins with loving and obeying the commandments of God and from this respect flow all the manners and high standards of morality that are inherent in Islam. God expects us, adult believers, to treat children with respect and to nurture, love and educate them. When rights and responsibilities are taken seriously, it enables one to love and respect God.
“And whosoever obeys God and His Messenger, fears God, and keeps his duty (to Him), such are the successful ones.” (Quran 24:52)
Small children need food, drink, sleep and they also need love and compassion. Taking care of their physical needs and disregarding their emotional and spiritual needs is inappropriate.
After the birth of a child, mothers are advised to breastfeed. Breast milk was designed by God to specifically fit the needs of each individual child. Modern science has proven the remarkable qualities of breast milk. Breast milk has disease-fighting cells called antibodies that help protect infants from germs, illness, and even ‘Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.’ [1]
Colostrums, the thick yellow fore-milk made during pregnancy and just after birth, will give babies the best start at life. Milk changes over time to meet the baby’s needs. By the third to fifth day after the birth breast milk has just the right amount of fat, sugar, water, and protein that is needed for a baby's growth.
“The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling.” (Quran 2:233)
However, God does not put the believers into any situation they cannot handle, therefore if breastfeeding is not possible, there are alternatives such as using a wet nurse and more commonly feeding the infant baby formula designed specifically for an infants needs.
God does not want to place you in difficulty, but He wants to purify you, and to complete His favor to you that you may be thankful. (Quran 5:6)
As soon as they are old enough to understand, children should be taught to love God. This is usually easy because children are naturally disposed to know and love God. It is straightforward for them to understand that God is the Creator. It is the parents or caregivers responsibility to teach children that God is One, that there is none worthy of worship but He.
And (remember) when Luqmaan said to his son when he was advising him: “O my son! Join not in worship others with God. Verily, joining others in worship with God is a great wrong indeed. (Quran 31:13)
Parents, guardians, and caregivers are responsible for teaching their children the duties of Islam. Children must be taught the correct way of worshipping God and the best way to do this is by example. From the moment that they can interact with their surroundings, children are learning. Even when a very small child hears the call to prayer, he or she will know that it is time for all worldly endeavours to stop while believers focus their attention on God. Children learn this by observing the behavior of those around them.
From the traditions of Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, we learn that it is obligatory upon us to teach our children to pray when they are seven years old and to admonish them for not praying when they reach the age of ten. [2] The reality is that children, who live in a household where prayer and correct worship are visible, are eager to pray and often from a very young age can be seen bowing and prostrating at their parent’s side.
At seven years old, children must be taught how to pray correctly. By the age of ten children should be admonished for not praying. Whatever discipline is used it should be such that the child understands that praying is important. Beating a child is never an option.
Children should be taught and made to observe those around then performing all the other obligations that come with being a believer in the Oneness of God. Children should be able to see those around them fasting, and performing other acts of worship such as reading Quran. They should also observe their caregivers displaying good manners and morals. The companions of Prophet Muhammad have narrated that children were taught the basics of Islam from a young age.
We used to observe this fast after that, and we used to make our children fast and make them toys of wool; if one of them cried for food we would give him that toy until it was time to break the fast. [3]
I was taken for Hajj with the Messenger of God, may God praise him, when I was seven years old. [4]
Islam is a holistic religion; therefore, physical needs pertaining to this world must not be neglected. Children have the right to live safely and securely, and have all their physical needs taken care of. Noted Islamic scholar Imam an-Nawawi said, “The father [5] should bring his children up with good manners in all things, eating, drinking, dressing, sleeping, going out of the house, entering the house, riding in vehicles, etc. He should instill in them the attributes of a good person, such as love of (personal) sacrifice, putting others first, helping others, nobility and generosity. He should keep them away from evil characteristics such as cowardice, stinginess, lack of nobility, lack of ambition, etc. Children must also be protected from physical harm and anything that is likely to lead them towards sinning.
Islam gives children many rights and is concerned with their spiritual, physical, and emotional well being. In the next and final part of this series of articles, we will discuss fairness, equality, and custody issues.
Footnotes:
[1] The (USA) Federal government source for women’s health information(http://www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding/benefits/)
[2] At-Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood.
[3] Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim
[4] Saheeh Al-Bukhari
[5] This is taken to include mother, caregivers, and guardians.
Part 5: Custody & Fairness
In the previous four articles, we discussed what Islam says about children, particularly in relation to children’s rights. In this final article, we will talk about some issues concerning children that do not, at first glance, appear to be about the rights of children. The issues are custody, gift giving and fairness among siblings. We will discover that the rights of children and their best interests are embedded into all issues pertaining to children.
Custody
The main issue in custody disputes is what is in the best interest of the child. Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi, Islamic scholar of the 12th century said, “Custody is aimed at looking after the child, so it should not be given in a way that will be detrimental to his welfare and his religious commitment.” [1]
If a marriage ends and there is a dispute about who should have custody of the children or who should financially support them; then the solutions can be found within the teachings of Islam. Until the child reaches the age of discernment, the mother is more entitled to custody than the father, unless the mother remarries, in this case the custody belongs to the father. That is unless he agrees with the mother on something that is better for their child. Muslim scholars over the centuries have differed in their views regarding child custody; however, they have all agreed that the child's best interests must be the primary concern.
A divorced woman whose ex-husband was claiming custody of their child went to Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, and said, “My womb was a vessel for this son of mine, and my breasts gave him to drink, and my lap was a refuge for him, but his father has divorced me and he wants to take him away from me. Prophet Muhammad said to her, “You have more right to him so long as you do not remarry.” [2]
According to Islam, the period of discernment is around the age of seven or eight, at which time the official period of custody ends and the period of kafalah or sponsorship begins. This period lasts until the child reaches puberty at which time the child is free to choose with which parent he or she will reside with. The choice however is dictated by the need for certain conditions to be fulfilled.
These conditions include that the parent or guardian is a Muslim who is able to be held accountable (i.e. an adult of sound mind etc.) is of good character and is able to fulfill all obligations towards the child.
Maintenance however is obligatory upon the father, whether the mother is rich or poor. He is responsible for accommodation, food, drink, clothing and education, and other everyday needs. However, the monetary amount is based on the father’s circumstances and means. Every situation is different.
“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what God has given him. God puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. God will grant after hardship, ease.” (Quran 65:7)
Fairness & Gift Giving
Islam tells us that it is important to treat children fairly. Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, said, “Fear God and treat your children fairly.” [3]
In relation to spending, this means giving each child what he or she needs. For instance, one child may need a school uniform worth $200 while another child’s uniform may only cost $100. Another example would be if one child is getting married and the parents have arranged it, they should do the same for other children when they desire to get married.
It is not permissible to show preference to one gender over the other or to one child over the others. This can lead to sibling rivalry, jealousy, and bad feelings within the family. In extreme cases, it may even lead to the breaking of family ties.
Some of the scholars are of the opinion that it is permissible to show preference to some children in regards to gift giving under certain specific circumstances. For instance, it may be permissible if one of them is disabled or has a large family or is preoccupied with seeking knowledge or if there is some other reason that means he or she is in need of extra financial aid. It may also be permissible to withhold gifts or money from your children if they are engaged in forbidden actions. [4]
Sheikh Ibn Uthamien, noted Islamic scholar of the 20th century said, “If a parent granted one of his children financial remuneration to fulfill a necessity, such as a medical treatment coverage, the cost of a marriage, the cost of initializing a business, etc., then such a grant would not be categorized an act of injustice and unfairness. Such a gift will fall under the right to spend in the essential needs of the children, which is a requirement that a parent must fulfill.
"Be just: that is nearer to piety; and fear God.” (Quran 5:8)
Islam is a religion concerned with justice and respect. It is a religion that places great emphasis on rights and responsibilities. It is a religion concerned with individual needs only as far as they do not impinge on the needs of a cohesive community. Children have certain rights, the most important being that they are able to know and love God. It is the parents (caregivers and guardians) responsibility to feed, clothe, educate, and nurture the children that have come under their care.
Footnotes:
[1] Al-Mughni (8/190)
[2] Imam Ahmad, Abu Dawood
[3] Saheeh Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim
[4] Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (16/193)
Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/3584/viewall/
One of the most important obligations in Islam is for parents to love and nurture their children. Children have the right to be protected, and the right to learn how to worship and obey God. As previously discussed, children’s rights come into play even before their conception and birth and God warns humankind to protect themselves and their families from the torment of the fire.
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) …” (Quran 66:6)
The birth of a child, male or female, is a cause for great celebration. In Islam there is certain etiquette involved in welcoming the child into the family and community. There are a number of recommended rituals from the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, that are to be done that ensure the newborn is received properly by the Muslim society. However, the absence of any or all of these recommended actions does not negate any children’s rights in Islam.
It is recommended that the parents or caregivers do tahneek and pray for the newborn child. Tahneek means putting something sweet such as dates or honey into the child’s mouth. One of Prophet Muhammad’s companions, Abu Musa, may God be pleased with him, said, “I had a baby boy and I brought him to the Prophet. He named him Ibrahim, did tahneek with a date and prayed for God to bless him, and then he gave him back to me.” [1]
Noted Islamic scholar Imam an-Nawawi said that it is recommended to do tahneek with dates for the child when he is born; if that is not possible then to use some similar kind of sweet. The date should be chewed until it becomes soft enough for the baby to suck on it with ease.
The words of the call to prayer are often recited softly into the new born baby’s right ear soon after birth. The first thing the child hears in this world, are the words of submission to One God. It was reported that one of Prophet Muhammad’s companions saw him say the call to prayer in the right ear of one of his newborn grandsons. [2] The newborn child is entitled to a good name. Names are important; a person’s name conveys meaning and becomes a symbol of that person. It is recommended that the child be named on the seventh day after his or her birth, however Islamic scholar Ibn al Qayyim said the matter was “wide in scope” and that it was permissible to name the child after birth, or on the seventh day or at any time before or after those days. [3]
It is usual for the father to name the child; however scholars recommend that parents choose the name together. More important is that the child should be given a good name, such as ‘Abd-Allah or ‘Abd al-Rahmaan. Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, said, “The most beloved of your names to God are ‘Abd-Allaah (slave of God) and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan. (slave of the Most Merciful).” [4] It is also recommended that the child be named after Prophets, or righteous predecessors. Prophet Muhammad named his own son Ibrahim after Prophet Ibrahim. He said, “A child was born to me last night and I called him by the name of my father Ibrahim.” [5]
It is forbidden to use names that belong only to God, such as al-Khaaliq (the Creator) and al-Quddoos (the Most Holy), or names which are not befitting for anyone other than God, such as Malik al-Mulook (King of Kings). It is also forbidden to use names that imply enslavement to any one or anything but God, such as ‘Abd al-‘Uzza (slave of al-Uzza – a pagan goddess), Abd al-Kabah (slave of the Kabah), Abd al-Daar (slave of the House).
It is disliked to use names that have bad or distasteful meanings, or which sound odd, or would cause others to mock a person, or cause him embarrassment. It is also better not to use names that are associated with sinners or tyrants. Some scholars also dislike naming children after angels or the names of chapters of Quran. Names have meanings and implied meanings and these meanings will have an effect on the child for good or for bad. Parents must take great care when choosing an appropriate name for their newborn child.
In Islam, it is recommended that parents observe the birth of a child with an offering known as the aqeeqah. When a child is born it is commonplace for the family to slaughter one or two sheep and to invite relatives and neighbors to a meal, in order to allow the community to share in the happy event.
Although an aqeeqah is not obligatory, it does contain many benefits. Ibn al-Qayyim, said that the aqeeqah is a sacrifice by means of which the child is brought close to God soon after he comes into this world, it is a sacrifice by which the newborn is ransomed just as God ransomed Ismael with the ram [6] and it is the gathering of relatives and friends for the Waleemah (feast).
One of the rituals pertaining to newborn children and part of the rights due to children is circumcision. It is obligatory for baby boys to be circumcised. Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, said that five things are part of the inherent nature of people. They are circumcision, shaving the pubic hair, plucking the armpit hair, cutting the nails, and trimming the moustache. [7] These things are related to purity and essential conditions of prayer and imply complete submission to the will of God.
It is from the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad that the newborn child’s hair be shaved and that the weight of the hair be given in gold or silver to charity [8]. It is sufficient to estimate the weight and give the equivalent amount in currency.
Welcoming the newborn child into the family and community is more than a celebration; the rights and rituals performed serve to remind believers that children in Islam have rights. Whether the parents are alive or deceased, present or absent, known or unknown, the child is entitled to be cared for and raised in security, surrounded by God’s love and laws.
Footnotes:
[1] Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim
[2] At-Tirmidi
[3] Tuhfat al-Mawlood, p. 111
[4] Saheeh Muslim
[5] Ibid
[6] Tuhfat al-Mawlood, p. 69
[7] Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim
[8] At-Tirmidi
Part 4: Nurture, Love, and Education
Islam is a religion concerned with justice and respect and as such, it takes rights and responsibilities very seriously. Islam states that it is the responsibility of each individual to treat all of creation with respect, honour, and dignity. Respect begins with loving and obeying the commandments of God and from this respect flow all the manners and high standards of morality that are inherent in Islam. God expects us, adult believers, to treat children with respect and to nurture, love and educate them. When rights and responsibilities are taken seriously, it enables one to love and respect God.
“And whosoever obeys God and His Messenger, fears God, and keeps his duty (to Him), such are the successful ones.” (Quran 24:52)
Small children need food, drink, sleep and they also need love and compassion. Taking care of their physical needs and disregarding their emotional and spiritual needs is inappropriate.
After the birth of a child, mothers are advised to breastfeed. Breast milk was designed by God to specifically fit the needs of each individual child. Modern science has proven the remarkable qualities of breast milk. Breast milk has disease-fighting cells called antibodies that help protect infants from germs, illness, and even ‘Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.’ [1]
Colostrums, the thick yellow fore-milk made during pregnancy and just after birth, will give babies the best start at life. Milk changes over time to meet the baby’s needs. By the third to fifth day after the birth breast milk has just the right amount of fat, sugar, water, and protein that is needed for a baby's growth.
“The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling.” (Quran 2:233)
However, God does not put the believers into any situation they cannot handle, therefore if breastfeeding is not possible, there are alternatives such as using a wet nurse and more commonly feeding the infant baby formula designed specifically for an infants needs.
God does not want to place you in difficulty, but He wants to purify you, and to complete His favor to you that you may be thankful. (Quran 5:6)
As soon as they are old enough to understand, children should be taught to love God. This is usually easy because children are naturally disposed to know and love God. It is straightforward for them to understand that God is the Creator. It is the parents or caregivers responsibility to teach children that God is One, that there is none worthy of worship but He.
And (remember) when Luqmaan said to his son when he was advising him: “O my son! Join not in worship others with God. Verily, joining others in worship with God is a great wrong indeed. (Quran 31:13)
Parents, guardians, and caregivers are responsible for teaching their children the duties of Islam. Children must be taught the correct way of worshipping God and the best way to do this is by example. From the moment that they can interact with their surroundings, children are learning. Even when a very small child hears the call to prayer, he or she will know that it is time for all worldly endeavours to stop while believers focus their attention on God. Children learn this by observing the behavior of those around them.
From the traditions of Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, we learn that it is obligatory upon us to teach our children to pray when they are seven years old and to admonish them for not praying when they reach the age of ten. [2] The reality is that children, who live in a household where prayer and correct worship are visible, are eager to pray and often from a very young age can be seen bowing and prostrating at their parent’s side.
At seven years old, children must be taught how to pray correctly. By the age of ten children should be admonished for not praying. Whatever discipline is used it should be such that the child understands that praying is important. Beating a child is never an option.
Children should be taught and made to observe those around then performing all the other obligations that come with being a believer in the Oneness of God. Children should be able to see those around them fasting, and performing other acts of worship such as reading Quran. They should also observe their caregivers displaying good manners and morals. The companions of Prophet Muhammad have narrated that children were taught the basics of Islam from a young age.
We used to observe this fast after that, and we used to make our children fast and make them toys of wool; if one of them cried for food we would give him that toy until it was time to break the fast. [3]
I was taken for Hajj with the Messenger of God, may God praise him, when I was seven years old. [4]
Islam is a holistic religion; therefore, physical needs pertaining to this world must not be neglected. Children have the right to live safely and securely, and have all their physical needs taken care of. Noted Islamic scholar Imam an-Nawawi said, “The father [5] should bring his children up with good manners in all things, eating, drinking, dressing, sleeping, going out of the house, entering the house, riding in vehicles, etc. He should instill in them the attributes of a good person, such as love of (personal) sacrifice, putting others first, helping others, nobility and generosity. He should keep them away from evil characteristics such as cowardice, stinginess, lack of nobility, lack of ambition, etc. Children must also be protected from physical harm and anything that is likely to lead them towards sinning.
Islam gives children many rights and is concerned with their spiritual, physical, and emotional well being. In the next and final part of this series of articles, we will discuss fairness, equality, and custody issues.
Footnotes:
[1] The (USA) Federal government source for women’s health information(http://www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding/benefits/)
[2] At-Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood.
[3] Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim
[4] Saheeh Al-Bukhari
[5] This is taken to include mother, caregivers, and guardians.
Part 5: Custody & Fairness
In the previous four articles, we discussed what Islam says about children, particularly in relation to children’s rights. In this final article, we will talk about some issues concerning children that do not, at first glance, appear to be about the rights of children. The issues are custody, gift giving and fairness among siblings. We will discover that the rights of children and their best interests are embedded into all issues pertaining to children.
Custody
The main issue in custody disputes is what is in the best interest of the child. Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi, Islamic scholar of the 12th century said, “Custody is aimed at looking after the child, so it should not be given in a way that will be detrimental to his welfare and his religious commitment.” [1]
If a marriage ends and there is a dispute about who should have custody of the children or who should financially support them; then the solutions can be found within the teachings of Islam. Until the child reaches the age of discernment, the mother is more entitled to custody than the father, unless the mother remarries, in this case the custody belongs to the father. That is unless he agrees with the mother on something that is better for their child. Muslim scholars over the centuries have differed in their views regarding child custody; however, they have all agreed that the child's best interests must be the primary concern.
A divorced woman whose ex-husband was claiming custody of their child went to Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, and said, “My womb was a vessel for this son of mine, and my breasts gave him to drink, and my lap was a refuge for him, but his father has divorced me and he wants to take him away from me. Prophet Muhammad said to her, “You have more right to him so long as you do not remarry.” [2]
According to Islam, the period of discernment is around the age of seven or eight, at which time the official period of custody ends and the period of kafalah or sponsorship begins. This period lasts until the child reaches puberty at which time the child is free to choose with which parent he or she will reside with. The choice however is dictated by the need for certain conditions to be fulfilled.
These conditions include that the parent or guardian is a Muslim who is able to be held accountable (i.e. an adult of sound mind etc.) is of good character and is able to fulfill all obligations towards the child.
Maintenance however is obligatory upon the father, whether the mother is rich or poor. He is responsible for accommodation, food, drink, clothing and education, and other everyday needs. However, the monetary amount is based on the father’s circumstances and means. Every situation is different.
“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what God has given him. God puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. God will grant after hardship, ease.” (Quran 65:7)
Fairness & Gift Giving
Islam tells us that it is important to treat children fairly. Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, said, “Fear God and treat your children fairly.” [3]
In relation to spending, this means giving each child what he or she needs. For instance, one child may need a school uniform worth $200 while another child’s uniform may only cost $100. Another example would be if one child is getting married and the parents have arranged it, they should do the same for other children when they desire to get married.
It is not permissible to show preference to one gender over the other or to one child over the others. This can lead to sibling rivalry, jealousy, and bad feelings within the family. In extreme cases, it may even lead to the breaking of family ties.
Some of the scholars are of the opinion that it is permissible to show preference to some children in regards to gift giving under certain specific circumstances. For instance, it may be permissible if one of them is disabled or has a large family or is preoccupied with seeking knowledge or if there is some other reason that means he or she is in need of extra financial aid. It may also be permissible to withhold gifts or money from your children if they are engaged in forbidden actions. [4]
Sheikh Ibn Uthamien, noted Islamic scholar of the 20th century said, “If a parent granted one of his children financial remuneration to fulfill a necessity, such as a medical treatment coverage, the cost of a marriage, the cost of initializing a business, etc., then such a grant would not be categorized an act of injustice and unfairness. Such a gift will fall under the right to spend in the essential needs of the children, which is a requirement that a parent must fulfill.
"Be just: that is nearer to piety; and fear God.” (Quran 5:8)
Islam is a religion concerned with justice and respect. It is a religion that places great emphasis on rights and responsibilities. It is a religion concerned with individual needs only as far as they do not impinge on the needs of a cohesive community. Children have certain rights, the most important being that they are able to know and love God. It is the parents (caregivers and guardians) responsibility to feed, clothe, educate, and nurture the children that have come under their care.
Footnotes:
[1] Al-Mughni (8/190)
[2] Imam Ahmad, Abu Dawood
[3] Saheeh Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim
[4] Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (16/193)
Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/3584/viewall/
Monday, January 24, 2011
What Islam Says About Children by Aisha Stacey (5 Parts)
Part 1: God Guarantees the Rights of Children
Islam is a religion revealed by God for all people, in all places, at all times. As such, Islam is accessible to everybody and is particularly mindful of the importance of respect, rights, and responsibilities. The words of the Quran and the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, contain the rights and responsibilities granted by God to humankind. They are not subject to the whims and desires of men or women therefore they do not change. These unique rights mentioned in Islam also include the rights of children. Children’s rights are not guaranteed by the actions of their parents, their communities, or even their governments. God Himself guarantees children’s rights.
Islam establishes a legal framework, and embodies a code of ethics, designed to protect the rights of an individual including his or her right to live in a secure society. For children, security is of the utmost importance. The rights of a child begin even before birth; in fact they begin before conception. The Quran and the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad make it clear that two people should not enter into a marriage carelessly. A great deal of thought and preparation is necessary before man and woman commit to each other and to the family that may result from their union. Prophet Muhammad was heard to say, “A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religious commitment. Marry the one who is religiously committed.”
If a man and a woman have both dedicated their lives to worshipping and pleasing their Creator, then the rights of any children they may have are automatically guaranteed. Worshipping God means obeying His commandments and His commandments include securing the rights of the child. By marrying, rather than having an illicit relationship, the couple has already begun to secure the rights of their future children. A child has the right to know and understand his or her lineage.
Once a child is conceived, it has the right to life. The Quran makes it very clear that all life is sacred. It is never permissible to terminate a pregnancy because one fears being unable to financially support a child or another child. It is God, who is the Provider and Sustainer of all life.
“...kill not your children because of poverty - We provide sustenance for you and for them.” (Quran 6:151)
When making a decision to terminate a pregnancy, it is important to remember that having a child is a blessing from God and all such blessings should be accepted with joy and gratitude. There are many people in the world today who are not able to have children, therefore when God blesses a family with one, it should be a cause for celebration and happiness. However, children are not toys or possessions. With them comes great responsibility.
The Quran and the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, speak clearly about the responsibility that comes with raising a child. It is an obligation upon the believers to raise and care for children by bringing them up as moral, righteous human beings. Secure in the knowledge that they are valued members of the human race, and their particular families. Neglecting this duty could potentially lead a person away from the path of righteousness and away from God.
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the commands they receive from God, but do that which they are commanded.” (Quran 66:6)
Prophet Muhammad said, “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock”. [1]
Caring for and raising children in the proper manner is a duty on parents and it is not always easy. In fact, God reminds us in the Quran that children may even be a great trial for their parents. The triumphs and tribulations of life are a test and children are no exception. They can bring great joy and at times they can bring great sadness as well. God in His infinite wisdom never leaves a human being alone and unable to face all of life’s trials.
“Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas God, with Him is a great reward (Paradise).” (Quran 64:15)
Following the teachings of Islam enables a believer to face all life events including the trials the tribulations and the triumphs. The correct Islamic advice for raising and rearing children covers all aspects of life. Just like Islam itself, it is holistic advice. Physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing are all of equal importance. It is interesting to note that Islam has always covered the rights of children. The Islamic view of childhood states that it is a unique period in an individual’s life. [2] This is in sharp contrast to western/European ideology where the concept of childhood was not addressed until the 16th century. [3] It is not that the West did not have children or young people but rather they considered them to be small adults with the same needs and wants as adults.
Throughout Islamic history and in Islamic literature, the rights and responsibilities pertaining to children are clear cut. Parents, families, and communities have certain responsibilities towards children. Many of them are obligatory, and on the Day of Judgment, God will question adults about the treatment of their children.
The late Islamic scholar, Sheikh Uthaimeen, may God have mercy on him, described children as a trust given to parents by God. He also said that children are to be well fed, well groomed, and properly dressed for seasons and appearance. Children are entitled to education, religious learning, and spiritual guidance. Their hearts must be filled with faith and their minds entertained with proper guidance, knowledge, and wisdom. With that in mind, the following series of articles will guide us through child care in Islam.
Footnotes:
[1] Saheeh Bukhari & Muslim
[2] Gil’adi. A 1992, Children of Islam: concepts of childhood in medieval Muslim society, Macmillan, Oxford.
[3] Aries, P 1962, Centuries of childhood, Vintage Books, New York.
Part 2: Children are Blessings, not Possessions
Islam is a holistic religion that covers all aspects of life. Spiritual, emotional and physical needs are all dealt with equally, one is not more important than the other. In fact, for a person to be spiritually healthy, one’s emotional and physical needs must be taken care of. This is not restricted to adults; the rights and the needs of children are of paramount importance. As we discovered in the previous article, children’s rights come into play even before conception.
When man and woman make the decision to marry and start a family, they are securing their future children’s rights. Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, advised his companions and all believers to make the following supplication to God before having sexual intercourse.
“I begin with the name of God! O God! Protect me from Satan and protect what You bestow upon us (our offspring) from Satan.” [1]
Once a child is conceived, it is important to remember that this is a trust from God. Although the child is most certainly a blessing, it is not a possession. He or she has God given rights that must be fulfilled. Throughout the pregnancy, the expectant parents must take care to prepare for the new arrival. The mother must take care of herself by eating the correct food, getting the required amount of rest, and seeking medical aid when needed. Preparing for birth also includes remembering God and seeking His aid.
“O my Lord! Grant me from You, a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation.” (Quran 3:38)
“It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife Eve, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her. When he had sexual relations with her, she became pregnant and she carried it about lightly. Then when it became heavy, they both invoked their Lord (saying), “If You give us a child, good in every aspect, we shall indeed be among the grateful.” (Quran 7:189)
“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the pious.” (Quran 25: 74)
Muslims believe all children are born submitting to God, this means they are born innately inclined to love and worship God alone. In his traditions, Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, made this very clear. He said that no child is born except on his true nature (Islam) and that his parents may choose to give him/her a different religion other than submission to One God. [2]
When a child is born, it is a cause for much happiness and celebration. In Islam, there is no preference for either a male or female child. The Quran says that both the male and the female were created from a single person (Adam) and that are equal except in terms of piety and righteousness.
“And God said, ‘Oh humankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from Him (Adam) He created his wife (Eve), and from them both He created many men and women.” (Quran 4:1)
Islam was revealed at a time when the Arabs practiced infanticide and would often bury their female babies alive. This was an ignorant practice and Prophet Muhammad stated categorically that female children are a blessing and that raising them to be righteous believers is a source of great reward.
“And when the news of (the birth of) a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief! He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonor or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision.” (Quran 16:58 & 59)
We have also learned much about the Islamic view of children from Prophet Muhammad’s beloved wife Aisha. Traditions narrated by her show clearly that male children should not be preferred over female children and that raising daughters is a source of great reward.
A lady along with her two daughters came to me (Aisha) asking for some alms, but she found nothing with me except one date which I gave to her and she divided it between her two daughters, and did not eat anything herself, and then she got up and went away. Then the Prophet came in and I informed him about this story. He said, “Whoever is put to trial by having to raise daughters and he treats them generously (with benevolence) then these daughters will act as a shield for him from Hell-Fire.” [3]
“Whenever a child was born among them, Aisha would not ask if it were a boy or a girl. Instead she would ask, ‘Is the child healthy (and without defect)?’ If she was told, ‘Yes,’ she would say, All praise is for Allah, Lord of All the Worlds.’”
When the great day arrives, a new life joins the imperfect world. He is placed into the hands of his parents and becomes entitled to even more rights. Islam sets out very clearly that there are ways of welcoming and dealing with infants and children. They are entitled to have their physical and emotional needs met and they are entitled to being taught how to worship, love and maintain a connection to God.
Parents, extended families, guardians and the Muslim community at large have been given a trust, a tiny life completely dependent upon its caregivers for protection and care. For many children, the world is immersed in terror. Hunger, pain, suffering, torture, sexual abuse, and other horrors are the realities of life. When their small attempts to reach for comfort are rejected or their cries are silenced, God is watching, and angels are recording.
In part 3 we will discuss the manners of welcoming a newborn child into the world and Islam.
Footnotes:
[1] Saheeh Al-Bukhari
[2] Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim
[3] Narrated by Aisha from Saheeh Al-Bukhari
TO BE CONTINUED...
Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/3584/viewall/
Islam is a religion revealed by God for all people, in all places, at all times. As such, Islam is accessible to everybody and is particularly mindful of the importance of respect, rights, and responsibilities. The words of the Quran and the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, contain the rights and responsibilities granted by God to humankind. They are not subject to the whims and desires of men or women therefore they do not change. These unique rights mentioned in Islam also include the rights of children. Children’s rights are not guaranteed by the actions of their parents, their communities, or even their governments. God Himself guarantees children’s rights.
Islam establishes a legal framework, and embodies a code of ethics, designed to protect the rights of an individual including his or her right to live in a secure society. For children, security is of the utmost importance. The rights of a child begin even before birth; in fact they begin before conception. The Quran and the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad make it clear that two people should not enter into a marriage carelessly. A great deal of thought and preparation is necessary before man and woman commit to each other and to the family that may result from their union. Prophet Muhammad was heard to say, “A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religious commitment. Marry the one who is religiously committed.”
If a man and a woman have both dedicated their lives to worshipping and pleasing their Creator, then the rights of any children they may have are automatically guaranteed. Worshipping God means obeying His commandments and His commandments include securing the rights of the child. By marrying, rather than having an illicit relationship, the couple has already begun to secure the rights of their future children. A child has the right to know and understand his or her lineage.
Once a child is conceived, it has the right to life. The Quran makes it very clear that all life is sacred. It is never permissible to terminate a pregnancy because one fears being unable to financially support a child or another child. It is God, who is the Provider and Sustainer of all life.
“...kill not your children because of poverty - We provide sustenance for you and for them.” (Quran 6:151)
When making a decision to terminate a pregnancy, it is important to remember that having a child is a blessing from God and all such blessings should be accepted with joy and gratitude. There are many people in the world today who are not able to have children, therefore when God blesses a family with one, it should be a cause for celebration and happiness. However, children are not toys or possessions. With them comes great responsibility.
The Quran and the authentic traditions of Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, speak clearly about the responsibility that comes with raising a child. It is an obligation upon the believers to raise and care for children by bringing them up as moral, righteous human beings. Secure in the knowledge that they are valued members of the human race, and their particular families. Neglecting this duty could potentially lead a person away from the path of righteousness and away from God.
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the commands they receive from God, but do that which they are commanded.” (Quran 66:6)
Prophet Muhammad said, “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock”. [1]
Caring for and raising children in the proper manner is a duty on parents and it is not always easy. In fact, God reminds us in the Quran that children may even be a great trial for their parents. The triumphs and tribulations of life are a test and children are no exception. They can bring great joy and at times they can bring great sadness as well. God in His infinite wisdom never leaves a human being alone and unable to face all of life’s trials.
“Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas God, with Him is a great reward (Paradise).” (Quran 64:15)
Following the teachings of Islam enables a believer to face all life events including the trials the tribulations and the triumphs. The correct Islamic advice for raising and rearing children covers all aspects of life. Just like Islam itself, it is holistic advice. Physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing are all of equal importance. It is interesting to note that Islam has always covered the rights of children. The Islamic view of childhood states that it is a unique period in an individual’s life. [2] This is in sharp contrast to western/European ideology where the concept of childhood was not addressed until the 16th century. [3] It is not that the West did not have children or young people but rather they considered them to be small adults with the same needs and wants as adults.
Throughout Islamic history and in Islamic literature, the rights and responsibilities pertaining to children are clear cut. Parents, families, and communities have certain responsibilities towards children. Many of them are obligatory, and on the Day of Judgment, God will question adults about the treatment of their children.
The late Islamic scholar, Sheikh Uthaimeen, may God have mercy on him, described children as a trust given to parents by God. He also said that children are to be well fed, well groomed, and properly dressed for seasons and appearance. Children are entitled to education, religious learning, and spiritual guidance. Their hearts must be filled with faith and their minds entertained with proper guidance, knowledge, and wisdom. With that in mind, the following series of articles will guide us through child care in Islam.
Footnotes:
[1] Saheeh Bukhari & Muslim
[2] Gil’adi. A 1992, Children of Islam: concepts of childhood in medieval Muslim society, Macmillan, Oxford.
[3] Aries, P 1962, Centuries of childhood, Vintage Books, New York.
Part 2: Children are Blessings, not Possessions
Islam is a holistic religion that covers all aspects of life. Spiritual, emotional and physical needs are all dealt with equally, one is not more important than the other. In fact, for a person to be spiritually healthy, one’s emotional and physical needs must be taken care of. This is not restricted to adults; the rights and the needs of children are of paramount importance. As we discovered in the previous article, children’s rights come into play even before conception.
When man and woman make the decision to marry and start a family, they are securing their future children’s rights. Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, advised his companions and all believers to make the following supplication to God before having sexual intercourse.
“I begin with the name of God! O God! Protect me from Satan and protect what You bestow upon us (our offspring) from Satan.” [1]
Once a child is conceived, it is important to remember that this is a trust from God. Although the child is most certainly a blessing, it is not a possession. He or she has God given rights that must be fulfilled. Throughout the pregnancy, the expectant parents must take care to prepare for the new arrival. The mother must take care of herself by eating the correct food, getting the required amount of rest, and seeking medical aid when needed. Preparing for birth also includes remembering God and seeking His aid.
“O my Lord! Grant me from You, a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation.” (Quran 3:38)
“It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife Eve, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her. When he had sexual relations with her, she became pregnant and she carried it about lightly. Then when it became heavy, they both invoked their Lord (saying), “If You give us a child, good in every aspect, we shall indeed be among the grateful.” (Quran 7:189)
“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the pious.” (Quran 25: 74)
Muslims believe all children are born submitting to God, this means they are born innately inclined to love and worship God alone. In his traditions, Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, made this very clear. He said that no child is born except on his true nature (Islam) and that his parents may choose to give him/her a different religion other than submission to One God. [2]
When a child is born, it is a cause for much happiness and celebration. In Islam, there is no preference for either a male or female child. The Quran says that both the male and the female were created from a single person (Adam) and that are equal except in terms of piety and righteousness.
“And God said, ‘Oh humankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from Him (Adam) He created his wife (Eve), and from them both He created many men and women.” (Quran 4:1)
Islam was revealed at a time when the Arabs practiced infanticide and would often bury their female babies alive. This was an ignorant practice and Prophet Muhammad stated categorically that female children are a blessing and that raising them to be righteous believers is a source of great reward.
“And when the news of (the birth of) a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief! He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonor or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision.” (Quran 16:58 & 59)
We have also learned much about the Islamic view of children from Prophet Muhammad’s beloved wife Aisha. Traditions narrated by her show clearly that male children should not be preferred over female children and that raising daughters is a source of great reward.
A lady along with her two daughters came to me (Aisha) asking for some alms, but she found nothing with me except one date which I gave to her and she divided it between her two daughters, and did not eat anything herself, and then she got up and went away. Then the Prophet came in and I informed him about this story. He said, “Whoever is put to trial by having to raise daughters and he treats them generously (with benevolence) then these daughters will act as a shield for him from Hell-Fire.” [3]
“Whenever a child was born among them, Aisha would not ask if it were a boy or a girl. Instead she would ask, ‘Is the child healthy (and without defect)?’ If she was told, ‘Yes,’ she would say, All praise is for Allah, Lord of All the Worlds.’”
When the great day arrives, a new life joins the imperfect world. He is placed into the hands of his parents and becomes entitled to even more rights. Islam sets out very clearly that there are ways of welcoming and dealing with infants and children. They are entitled to have their physical and emotional needs met and they are entitled to being taught how to worship, love and maintain a connection to God.
Parents, extended families, guardians and the Muslim community at large have been given a trust, a tiny life completely dependent upon its caregivers for protection and care. For many children, the world is immersed in terror. Hunger, pain, suffering, torture, sexual abuse, and other horrors are the realities of life. When their small attempts to reach for comfort are rejected or their cries are silenced, God is watching, and angels are recording.
In part 3 we will discuss the manners of welcoming a newborn child into the world and Islam.
Footnotes:
[1] Saheeh Al-Bukhari
[2] Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim
[3] Narrated by Aisha from Saheeh Al-Bukhari
TO BE CONTINUED...
Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/3584/viewall/
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Good Deed #12- Have Mercy on Children
1. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “He is not of us who does not have mercy on young children, nor honors the elderly.” Al-Tirmidhi
2. Narrated by Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali while Al-Aqra’ bin Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said, “I have ten children and I have never kissed anyone of them.” Allah’s Apostle cast a look at him and said, “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.” Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.26
3. Narrated Abu Qatadah: “The Messenger of Allah came towards us while carrying Umamah the daughter of Abi Al-`As (Prophet’s granddaughter) over his shoulder. He prayed, and when he wanted to bow, he put her down, and when he stood up he lifted her up.” (Al-Bukhari)
4. The Prophet (S.A.W) said, “When the son of Adam (human being) dies, his deeds are stopped except for three things, namely, his good deeds, his knowledge, and his pious child who prays for him.” (Muslim No. 1631)
Action Plan
1. Give your children good Muslim names. Make the adhaan in their ears when they are born. Perform the Aqeeqah.
2. If possible, ensure your child is breast fed for a maximum of 2 years.
3. Treat children equally. In accordance with the true Islamic teaching, both male and female are alike in the sight of Allah, the Almighty.
4. Raise children correctly. Children should be given suitable and sufficient religious, ethical and moral guidance to last them for their entire life. They should be engraved with true values, the meaning of right and wrong, true and false, correct and incorrect, appropriate and inappropriate.
5. Remember children are a trust to parents and will be accountable for their upbringing. Protect them from evil vices especially found on the television and internet.
6. Listen to your children. Support them.
7. Don’t spoil or neglect children.
8. Play with children. Be attentive when playing with them.
9. Hug and kiss your children. Tell them you love them.
10. Be a good role model for your children. Perform your Islamic obligations. Perform your salaah, fast, pay your zakaah, give charity and perform good deeds.
11. Always make dua for your children. Ask for their protection, forgiveness and Jannah. “Our Lord! Grant unto us spouse and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” (25:74)
Source: http://1000gooddeeds.com/2009/09/01/good-deed-12-have-mercy-on-children/
2. Narrated by Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali while Al-Aqra’ bin Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said, “I have ten children and I have never kissed anyone of them.” Allah’s Apostle cast a look at him and said, “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.” Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.26
3. Narrated Abu Qatadah: “The Messenger of Allah came towards us while carrying Umamah the daughter of Abi Al-`As (Prophet’s granddaughter) over his shoulder. He prayed, and when he wanted to bow, he put her down, and when he stood up he lifted her up.” (Al-Bukhari)
4. The Prophet (S.A.W) said, “When the son of Adam (human being) dies, his deeds are stopped except for three things, namely, his good deeds, his knowledge, and his pious child who prays for him.” (Muslim No. 1631)
Action Plan
1. Give your children good Muslim names. Make the adhaan in their ears when they are born. Perform the Aqeeqah.
2. If possible, ensure your child is breast fed for a maximum of 2 years.
3. Treat children equally. In accordance with the true Islamic teaching, both male and female are alike in the sight of Allah, the Almighty.
4. Raise children correctly. Children should be given suitable and sufficient religious, ethical and moral guidance to last them for their entire life. They should be engraved with true values, the meaning of right and wrong, true and false, correct and incorrect, appropriate and inappropriate.
5. Remember children are a trust to parents and will be accountable for their upbringing. Protect them from evil vices especially found on the television and internet.
6. Listen to your children. Support them.
7. Don’t spoil or neglect children.
8. Play with children. Be attentive when playing with them.
9. Hug and kiss your children. Tell them you love them.
10. Be a good role model for your children. Perform your Islamic obligations. Perform your salaah, fast, pay your zakaah, give charity and perform good deeds.
11. Always make dua for your children. Ask for their protection, forgiveness and Jannah. “Our Lord! Grant unto us spouse and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” (25:74)
Source: http://1000gooddeeds.com/2009/09/01/good-deed-12-have-mercy-on-children/
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
The Cohesive Nature of the Family by Jamaal al-Din Zarabozo (4 Parts)
Only parts 2 and 3 are used here in this post. For the full article, please check the link at the bottom of this post.
Part 2: The Role of Husband and Wife
The Spouse [1]
Marriage is a very important institution in Islam. The Quran shows that there is a clear bond between men and women. In numerous places in the Quran, God reminds humans that they are from the same original human being. It is through this bond that they are interconnected and through these bonds that some of their rights upon one another are established. God states at the opening of Chapter 4, entitled “The Women”: “O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, who created you from a single person, and from him He created his wife, and from them both He created many men and women and fear God through whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)! Surely, God is ever an All-Watcher over you.” (Quran 4:1)
However, beyond the beginning that the two sexes have in common, God points out that the love and affection that He has created in the hearts of the spouses towards another is one of His great signs that act as portents for those people of understanding. In other words, such people can look at this aspect of creation and be reminded of the greatness of God’s work and power, the perfection of His creation and the magnificent mercy God has placed in this world. God says: “And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose and comfort in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Quran 39:21)
God also says: “He it is who created you from a single person (Adam), and then He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her…” (Quran 7:189)
Thus, according to the Quran, the relationship between a man and his wife should be one of love, mercy and mutual understanding. God also commands men to treat their wives kindly in the verse: “…And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you dislike them, it may well be that your dislike something which God might yet make a source of abundant good.” (Quran 4:19)
A few words about the purpose of marriage in Islam should be given. This is needed because many times people enter into marriage or desire to get married without realizing the roles and purpose of marriage itself. In turn, they do not realize the kinds of responsibilities that will be on their shoulders when they do get married. However, if the purposes of marriage are known and the responsibilities that marriage will entail are understood at the outset, once again, the probability that the marriage will be a successful marriage will be enhanced. The person will know what is expected of him, both with respect to his responsibilities and duties and his rights.
Obviously, the purpose of marriage is not simply “fun” or the release of “animal urges”. There is much more to marriage than that. Some of the goals behind marriage include [2]: procreating, experiencing permissible physical pleasure, attainment of one’s complete maturity, mutually assisting one another in making one’s life in this world, attaining numerous psychological and physiological benefits, forming the cornerstone of a moral society, bringing up the next generation in a setting that is most conducive for moral and spiritual growth and binding peoples and families together.
The Rights of a Husband and a Wife
In order for a marriage to work best, each partner should understand fully well his or her rights, responsibilities, roles and obligations. For this reason, Islamic Law has laid down very clear rights and responsibilities for a Muslim husband and wife. At the same time, though, every married person must realize that one’s spouse is first and foremost another Muslim. He/she is one’s brother/sister in Islam. Therefore, all the rights that fall upon a Muslim due to the general brotherhood of Islam are also due to one’s spouse. There are books on the behavior of a Muslim, brotherhood and love and loyalty among Muslims, and all of those principles apply to a married person as his spouse is part of that Islamic brotherhood and community. Furthermore, the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, also stressed this point when he stated: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
However, one’s spouse has even more rights upon a person due to the great and important contract that has been contracted between them. [3]
Therefore, when discussing the rights of the husbands and wives, this matter should not be looked at in a cold or legal fashion. The relationship between the husband and wife must be much more than a matter of rights stated by the law that each must abide by. Instead, it should be a relationship of love, support and mutual understanding. Each spouse should take into consideration the needs and abilities of the other spouse. They should attempt to make each other happy, even if they have to compromise sometimes, and not simply be out to make sure that they are getting all of their rights in the marriage. Actually, it is usually the case that neither spouse is completely fulfilling the rights of the other and making the other happy. Hence, they both have to realize and accept their shortcomings.
The Prophet, in particular, advised the husbands to treat their wives in the best way perhaps due to their greater authority or due to their greater strength, in general. The Prophet said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his family (wife) and I am the best of you to my family.” (Al-Tirmidhi and ibn Majah)
Footnotes:
[1] For more details on the Islamic laws of marriage, see the author’s “The Fiqh of the Family, Marriage and Divorce” (American Open University, 1997), passim. The discussion here is based on sections of that work.
[2] Cf., Abdul Rahman Abdul Khaaliq, Al-Zawaaj fi Dhill al-Islaam (Kuwait: al-Daar al-Salafiyyah, 1988), pp. 21ff.
[3] God says in the Quran, “And how could you take it [back] while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant” (Quran 4:21).
Part 3: Mutual Rights of the Spouses
Actually, both spouses, in general, fail to some extent in their fulfilling of the other’s obligations. Hence, before criticizing the other or being harsh with the other due to some shortcoming, the person should look to himself and realize what wrong he himself is doing.
At the same time, though, Islamic Law has clearly laid down some rights and responsibilities so that both parties in the marriage know exactly what is expected of them and know what they need to fulfill to be a proper spouse. Thus, for example, God says: “…And they [women] have rights [over their husbands] similar to those over them according to what is reasonable…” (Quran 2:228)
In sum, the rights of the wife or the obligations of the husband include, among others, the following:
1) Receiving her proper dower: God says: “And give the women their dower with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm.” (Quran 4:4)
2) Being fully and completely financially maintained by her husband: God says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means…” (Quran 4:34)
Furthermore, in a hadeeth recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim, the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, told Hind bint Utbah, when she complained that her husband (Abu Sufyan) was very stingy and was not maintaining her and she asked if she could take from his wealth without his knowledge: “Take what is sufficient for you and your child, according to what is customary.”
3) Being treated in a proper and kind manner: God states: “…And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which God might yet make a source of abundant good” (Quran 4:19)
4) Having the right to sexual intercourse: In the Sahih of Ibn Hibban there is the following narration: The wife of Uthman ibn Madh’oon complained to the Messenger of God that her husband had no need for women. During the day, he would fast and at night, he would pray. The Prophet asked him, “Am I not the best example for you to follow?” He answered, “Certainly, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you.” The Messenger of God then told him, “As for you, you pray during the night and you fast during the day. Certainly, your wife has a right upon you and your body has a right upon you. So pray and sleep and fast and break your fast.”
5) Having the right to “privacy”: Note the following hadeeth of the Prophet: “Is there any man among you who goes to his wife, closes the door behind then, covers themselves, and conceals themselves by God’s concealing.” They said, “Yes.” He then said, “Then he sits after that [with others] and he says, ‘I did this and that.’” They were silent. He then turned to the women and said, “Do any of you talk about such things?” They were also silent. Then a young girl came up on her toes so the Prophet could see her and hear her and she said, “O Messenger of God, they [the men] certainly talk about it and they [the women] also talk about it.” He said, “Do you know what they are like? They are like a female devil who met a devil in the street and they satisfied their desires with the people looking on.” [1]
6) The right to being taught or learning her religion.
On the other hand, the rights of the husband or the responsibilities of the women include:
1) Being the head of the household: God has said: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means…” (Quran 4:34)
Although this is usually stated as a right of the husband, it is actually a heavy responsibility on his shoulders, as it means that he has the responsibility to guide his family and keep them along the straight path.
2) Having the right to be obeyed: This goes with the first right. A person cannot be the head of something if he has no authority.
3) Having his wife answer his call to meet his sexual needs.
4) That the wife will not allow anyone in his house except by his permission: In a hadeeth recorded in al-Bukhari and Muslim, the Messenger of God said: “Do not allow anyone into his house except by permission.”
If the husband and wife enter into the marriage with the right intention of pleasing God and pleasing each other, recognizing their roles and responsibilities in the marriage and treating each other with proper Islamic behavior, God willing, their union will be a blessed union that will stretch from this life into the Hereafter.
Having said what was just said about marriage, Islam, though, is also a practical religion. It takes into consideration all possible common scenarios. It is possible for a man and woman to enter into a union with good intentions yet their personalities and likes simply do not coincide with one another. There are times in which a good marriage simply cannot be achieved and the spouses enter into a state of misery. Under such circumstances, Islamic Law allows for an end to the marriage and their suffering. [2] The goal is to either stay together in a friendly manner or to separate in a goodly manner. Thus, for example, God says: “And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, either take them back on reasonable basis or set them free on reasonable basis…” (Quran 2:231)
God also says: “Then when they are about to fulfill their term appointed [bringing an end to the divorce], either take them back in a good manner or part with them in a good manner…” (Quran 65:2)
Obviously, divorce is not a desired goal or a light matter. In a perfect world, all married couples would be in bliss. However, there are times in which this option is the best for all parties concerned. Thus, the option of divorce is in accord with the overall goal of preserving the family—it is not simply quantity, though, such that all marriages always stay in tact, that is desired but quality.
Footnotes:
[1] Abu Dawud.
[2] Unfortunately, in some Muslim cultures today, divorce has become so “shameful” they have neglected this important guidance of Islamic Law, leading to spouses suffering in silence. This is definitively not the goal of Islamic Law concerning such issues.
Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/494/viewall/
Part 2: The Role of Husband and Wife
The Spouse [1]
Marriage is a very important institution in Islam. The Quran shows that there is a clear bond between men and women. In numerous places in the Quran, God reminds humans that they are from the same original human being. It is through this bond that they are interconnected and through these bonds that some of their rights upon one another are established. God states at the opening of Chapter 4, entitled “The Women”: “O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, who created you from a single person, and from him He created his wife, and from them both He created many men and women and fear God through whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)! Surely, God is ever an All-Watcher over you.” (Quran 4:1)
However, beyond the beginning that the two sexes have in common, God points out that the love and affection that He has created in the hearts of the spouses towards another is one of His great signs that act as portents for those people of understanding. In other words, such people can look at this aspect of creation and be reminded of the greatness of God’s work and power, the perfection of His creation and the magnificent mercy God has placed in this world. God says: “And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose and comfort in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Quran 39:21)
God also says: “He it is who created you from a single person (Adam), and then He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her…” (Quran 7:189)
Thus, according to the Quran, the relationship between a man and his wife should be one of love, mercy and mutual understanding. God also commands men to treat their wives kindly in the verse: “…And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you dislike them, it may well be that your dislike something which God might yet make a source of abundant good.” (Quran 4:19)
A few words about the purpose of marriage in Islam should be given. This is needed because many times people enter into marriage or desire to get married without realizing the roles and purpose of marriage itself. In turn, they do not realize the kinds of responsibilities that will be on their shoulders when they do get married. However, if the purposes of marriage are known and the responsibilities that marriage will entail are understood at the outset, once again, the probability that the marriage will be a successful marriage will be enhanced. The person will know what is expected of him, both with respect to his responsibilities and duties and his rights.
Obviously, the purpose of marriage is not simply “fun” or the release of “animal urges”. There is much more to marriage than that. Some of the goals behind marriage include [2]: procreating, experiencing permissible physical pleasure, attainment of one’s complete maturity, mutually assisting one another in making one’s life in this world, attaining numerous psychological and physiological benefits, forming the cornerstone of a moral society, bringing up the next generation in a setting that is most conducive for moral and spiritual growth and binding peoples and families together.
The Rights of a Husband and a Wife
In order for a marriage to work best, each partner should understand fully well his or her rights, responsibilities, roles and obligations. For this reason, Islamic Law has laid down very clear rights and responsibilities for a Muslim husband and wife. At the same time, though, every married person must realize that one’s spouse is first and foremost another Muslim. He/she is one’s brother/sister in Islam. Therefore, all the rights that fall upon a Muslim due to the general brotherhood of Islam are also due to one’s spouse. There are books on the behavior of a Muslim, brotherhood and love and loyalty among Muslims, and all of those principles apply to a married person as his spouse is part of that Islamic brotherhood and community. Furthermore, the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, also stressed this point when he stated: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
However, one’s spouse has even more rights upon a person due to the great and important contract that has been contracted between them. [3]
Therefore, when discussing the rights of the husbands and wives, this matter should not be looked at in a cold or legal fashion. The relationship between the husband and wife must be much more than a matter of rights stated by the law that each must abide by. Instead, it should be a relationship of love, support and mutual understanding. Each spouse should take into consideration the needs and abilities of the other spouse. They should attempt to make each other happy, even if they have to compromise sometimes, and not simply be out to make sure that they are getting all of their rights in the marriage. Actually, it is usually the case that neither spouse is completely fulfilling the rights of the other and making the other happy. Hence, they both have to realize and accept their shortcomings.
The Prophet, in particular, advised the husbands to treat their wives in the best way perhaps due to their greater authority or due to their greater strength, in general. The Prophet said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his family (wife) and I am the best of you to my family.” (Al-Tirmidhi and ibn Majah)
Footnotes:
[1] For more details on the Islamic laws of marriage, see the author’s “The Fiqh of the Family, Marriage and Divorce” (American Open University, 1997), passim. The discussion here is based on sections of that work.
[2] Cf., Abdul Rahman Abdul Khaaliq, Al-Zawaaj fi Dhill al-Islaam (Kuwait: al-Daar al-Salafiyyah, 1988), pp. 21ff.
[3] God says in the Quran, “And how could you take it [back] while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant” (Quran 4:21).
Part 3: Mutual Rights of the Spouses
Actually, both spouses, in general, fail to some extent in their fulfilling of the other’s obligations. Hence, before criticizing the other or being harsh with the other due to some shortcoming, the person should look to himself and realize what wrong he himself is doing.
At the same time, though, Islamic Law has clearly laid down some rights and responsibilities so that both parties in the marriage know exactly what is expected of them and know what they need to fulfill to be a proper spouse. Thus, for example, God says: “…And they [women] have rights [over their husbands] similar to those over them according to what is reasonable…” (Quran 2:228)
In sum, the rights of the wife or the obligations of the husband include, among others, the following:
1) Receiving her proper dower: God says: “And give the women their dower with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm.” (Quran 4:4)
2) Being fully and completely financially maintained by her husband: God says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means…” (Quran 4:34)
Furthermore, in a hadeeth recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim, the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, told Hind bint Utbah, when she complained that her husband (Abu Sufyan) was very stingy and was not maintaining her and she asked if she could take from his wealth without his knowledge: “Take what is sufficient for you and your child, according to what is customary.”
3) Being treated in a proper and kind manner: God states: “…And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which God might yet make a source of abundant good” (Quran 4:19)
4) Having the right to sexual intercourse: In the Sahih of Ibn Hibban there is the following narration: The wife of Uthman ibn Madh’oon complained to the Messenger of God that her husband had no need for women. During the day, he would fast and at night, he would pray. The Prophet asked him, “Am I not the best example for you to follow?” He answered, “Certainly, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you.” The Messenger of God then told him, “As for you, you pray during the night and you fast during the day. Certainly, your wife has a right upon you and your body has a right upon you. So pray and sleep and fast and break your fast.”
5) Having the right to “privacy”: Note the following hadeeth of the Prophet: “Is there any man among you who goes to his wife, closes the door behind then, covers themselves, and conceals themselves by God’s concealing.” They said, “Yes.” He then said, “Then he sits after that [with others] and he says, ‘I did this and that.’” They were silent. He then turned to the women and said, “Do any of you talk about such things?” They were also silent. Then a young girl came up on her toes so the Prophet could see her and hear her and she said, “O Messenger of God, they [the men] certainly talk about it and they [the women] also talk about it.” He said, “Do you know what they are like? They are like a female devil who met a devil in the street and they satisfied their desires with the people looking on.” [1]
6) The right to being taught or learning her religion.
On the other hand, the rights of the husband or the responsibilities of the women include:
1) Being the head of the household: God has said: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means…” (Quran 4:34)
Although this is usually stated as a right of the husband, it is actually a heavy responsibility on his shoulders, as it means that he has the responsibility to guide his family and keep them along the straight path.
2) Having the right to be obeyed: This goes with the first right. A person cannot be the head of something if he has no authority.
3) Having his wife answer his call to meet his sexual needs.
4) That the wife will not allow anyone in his house except by his permission: In a hadeeth recorded in al-Bukhari and Muslim, the Messenger of God said: “Do not allow anyone into his house except by permission.”
If the husband and wife enter into the marriage with the right intention of pleasing God and pleasing each other, recognizing their roles and responsibilities in the marriage and treating each other with proper Islamic behavior, God willing, their union will be a blessed union that will stretch from this life into the Hereafter.
Having said what was just said about marriage, Islam, though, is also a practical religion. It takes into consideration all possible common scenarios. It is possible for a man and woman to enter into a union with good intentions yet their personalities and likes simply do not coincide with one another. There are times in which a good marriage simply cannot be achieved and the spouses enter into a state of misery. Under such circumstances, Islamic Law allows for an end to the marriage and their suffering. [2] The goal is to either stay together in a friendly manner or to separate in a goodly manner. Thus, for example, God says: “And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, either take them back on reasonable basis or set them free on reasonable basis…” (Quran 2:231)
God also says: “Then when they are about to fulfill their term appointed [bringing an end to the divorce], either take them back in a good manner or part with them in a good manner…” (Quran 65:2)
Obviously, divorce is not a desired goal or a light matter. In a perfect world, all married couples would be in bliss. However, there are times in which this option is the best for all parties concerned. Thus, the option of divorce is in accord with the overall goal of preserving the family—it is not simply quantity, though, such that all marriages always stay in tact, that is desired but quality.
Footnotes:
[1] Abu Dawud.
[2] Unfortunately, in some Muslim cultures today, divorce has become so “shameful” they have neglected this important guidance of Islamic Law, leading to spouses suffering in silence. This is definitively not the goal of Islamic Law concerning such issues.
Source: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/494/viewall/
Friday, January 7, 2011
Good Deed #48- Respect Your Husband
1. “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property).” (4: 34)
2. “Your women are tilth for you (to cultivate) so go to your tilth when you like and do good beforehand for yourselves, and fear Allah, and know that you will (one day) meet Him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad).” (2:223)
3. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (P.B.U.H) said, “When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning”. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
4. The Messenger of Allah (P.B.U.H) said, “By Him in whose hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One who is above the heaven becomes displeased with her until he (her husband) becomes pleased with her”. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
5. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (P.B.U.H) said, “It is not lawful for a woman to observe (voluntary) fasting without the permission of her husband when he is at home; and she should not allow anyone to enter his house without his permission.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
6. Ibn `Umar (may Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Prophet (P.B.U.H) said, “All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian of his subjects, the man is a guardian of his family, the woman is a guardian and is responsible for her husband’s house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
7. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (P.B.U.H) said, “If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband”. (At-Tirmidhi)
8. Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported: The Messenger of Allah (P.B.U.H) said, “Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her will enter Jannah”. (At-Tirmidhi)
9. Jabir bin Abdallah Al-Ansari: Once the Prophet (S.A.W) said: "The best of your women is the prolific, the affectionate, the chaste, the endeared of her family, the humble to her husband, fortified against other than him, listens to what he says, and obeys his orders, offers herself to him when alone, but not in an unabashed manner like his.”
10. “O Messenger of Allah, tell me what right has the husband upon the wife?” He said: “A lot.” She said: “Explain me some of them.” He replied “She may not fast without his permission, nor may she go out of her house without his consent. She has to use the best of perfumes, to wear the best of her clothes, to adorn herself as best as she can, to offer herself to him day and night, and still his rights are more than that.”
11. Aisha (R.A): "I asked the Prophet (S.A.W): Who has the greatest right over a woman? He (S.A.W) said: Her husband. I said: And who has the greatest right over a man? He (S.A.W) said: His mother.” (Al-Haakim -taken from Fiqh As-Sunnah)
12. It is related by Anas (R.A) that the Prophet (S.A.W) said, “If a woman offers five times daily prayer, keeps the fasts of Ramadhan, guards her honor and obeys her husband, then she will enter Paradise by whichever gate she pleases.”
13. The Prophet (S.A.W) has said, “A woman who dies in the state that her husband is pleased with her, shall go to Paradise.”
Action Plan
1. Respect your husband since he is the head and leader of the family. Like any kind of leader or ruler, he will be held accountable before Allah the Most High: did he make the decision that is most befitting for his family in this life and the hereafter or did he simply follow his desires? Did he do what was just and right or simply do what he liked to do?
2. Ask your consent of your husband if you want to leave the home.
3. Ask consent of your husband if you want to fast.
4. It is established from many hadith that the wife is not to allow anyone inside if she knows that her husband does not like for that person to be in the house (male or female).
5. The wife should pay proper attention to her makeup and appearance, to attract the husband.
6. A wife should respond to his sexual inclinations, since this is quite effective in pulling the man to his wife and strengthening the relations of love between them. She should provide him with ways of enjoying her beauty and satisfy his desires and prevent him from the temptation of throwing himself into the traps of forbidden desires.
7. Be grateful to your husband. A wife should be thankful to her husband for his kindness and his efforts in looking after her welfare and happiness.
Source: Rights of the Husband over the Wife
Source: http://1000gooddeeds.com/2009/10/12/good-deed-48-be-good-to-your-husband/
2. “Your women are tilth for you (to cultivate) so go to your tilth when you like and do good beforehand for yourselves, and fear Allah, and know that you will (one day) meet Him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad).” (2:223)
3. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (P.B.U.H) said, “When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning”. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
4. The Messenger of Allah (P.B.U.H) said, “By Him in whose hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One who is above the heaven becomes displeased with her until he (her husband) becomes pleased with her”. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
5. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (P.B.U.H) said, “It is not lawful for a woman to observe (voluntary) fasting without the permission of her husband when he is at home; and she should not allow anyone to enter his house without his permission.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
6. Ibn `Umar (may Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Prophet (P.B.U.H) said, “All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian of his subjects, the man is a guardian of his family, the woman is a guardian and is responsible for her husband’s house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
7. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (P.B.U.H) said, “If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband”. (At-Tirmidhi)
8. Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported: The Messenger of Allah (P.B.U.H) said, “Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her will enter Jannah”. (At-Tirmidhi)
9. Jabir bin Abdallah Al-Ansari: Once the Prophet (S.A.W) said: "The best of your women is the prolific, the affectionate, the chaste, the endeared of her family, the humble to her husband, fortified against other than him, listens to what he says, and obeys his orders, offers herself to him when alone, but not in an unabashed manner like his.”
10. “O Messenger of Allah, tell me what right has the husband upon the wife?” He said: “A lot.” She said: “Explain me some of them.” He replied “She may not fast without his permission, nor may she go out of her house without his consent. She has to use the best of perfumes, to wear the best of her clothes, to adorn herself as best as she can, to offer herself to him day and night, and still his rights are more than that.”
11. Aisha (R.A): "I asked the Prophet (S.A.W): Who has the greatest right over a woman? He (S.A.W) said: Her husband. I said: And who has the greatest right over a man? He (S.A.W) said: His mother.” (Al-Haakim -taken from Fiqh As-Sunnah)
12. It is related by Anas (R.A) that the Prophet (S.A.W) said, “If a woman offers five times daily prayer, keeps the fasts of Ramadhan, guards her honor and obeys her husband, then she will enter Paradise by whichever gate she pleases.”
13. The Prophet (S.A.W) has said, “A woman who dies in the state that her husband is pleased with her, shall go to Paradise.”
Action Plan
1. Respect your husband since he is the head and leader of the family. Like any kind of leader or ruler, he will be held accountable before Allah the Most High: did he make the decision that is most befitting for his family in this life and the hereafter or did he simply follow his desires? Did he do what was just and right or simply do what he liked to do?
2. Ask your consent of your husband if you want to leave the home.
3. Ask consent of your husband if you want to fast.
4. It is established from many hadith that the wife is not to allow anyone inside if she knows that her husband does not like for that person to be in the house (male or female).
5. The wife should pay proper attention to her makeup and appearance, to attract the husband.
6. A wife should respond to his sexual inclinations, since this is quite effective in pulling the man to his wife and strengthening the relations of love between them. She should provide him with ways of enjoying her beauty and satisfy his desires and prevent him from the temptation of throwing himself into the traps of forbidden desires.
7. Be grateful to your husband. A wife should be thankful to her husband for his kindness and his efforts in looking after her welfare and happiness.
Source: Rights of the Husband over the Wife
Source: http://1000gooddeeds.com/2009/10/12/good-deed-48-be-good-to-your-husband/
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Good Deed #49- Be Kind to Your Wife
1. 4:4 (Y. Ali) And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.
2. And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (30:21)
3. 4:19 (Y. Ali) O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.
4. Narrated Sa’d bin Abi Waqqas: Allah’s Apostle said, “You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allah’s sake even if it were a morsel which you put in your wife’s mouth.” (Bukhari)
5. The Prophet (S.A.W) prayed for such people: “May Allah grant mercy to a man who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up his wife, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face; may Allah grant mercy to a woman who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up her husband, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.”
6. Is there any man among you who goes to his wife, closes the door behind them, covers themselves and conceals themselves by Allah’s concealing?” They said: “Yes.” He then said: “Then he sits after that [with others] and says, ‘I did this and that.’” They were silent. He then turned to the women and said: “Do any of you talk about such things?” They, too, were silent. Then a young girl stood up on her toes so the Prophet (S.A.W) could see her and hear her and she said: “O Messenger of Allah they [the men] certainly talk about that and they [the women] also talk about it.” He (S.A.W) said: “Do you know what they are like? They are like a female devil who met a male devil in the street and they satisfied their desires with the people looking on.” (Sahih Abu Daud)
7. Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: A man came to the Prophet and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! I have enlisted in the army for such-and-such Ghazwa, and my wife is leaving for Hajj.” Allah’s Apostle said, “Go back and perform Hajj with your wife.”
8. The Prophet (S.A.W) said that the best gift or charity (sadaqa) is that spent on one’s wife.
9. The Prophet (S.A.W) has said, “No believing man hates his believing wife. If there is a bad quality in her, there will also be a good quality.”
10. The Prophet (S.A.W) said, “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.”
11. Related by Ayesha (R.A) that the Prophet (S.A.W) said, “Good among you are those who are good to their wives; and I, on my part, am very good to my wives.”
Action Plan
1. The first and worthiest condition of marriage to be fulfilled by the husband is to keep the promise or promises he made to the wife at the time he married her.
2. The husband cannot order her to do anything that is against Islam.
3. He must exercise patience and be prepared to listen to her advice in every situation.
4. If she invites him to wake up and perform the late night prayer, it is praiseworthy for him to do so and vice-versa. He must respect her and pay attention to her needs so that she will respect him and pay attention to his.
5. He must control his passions and act in a moderate manner especially in the context of sexual
intercourse. Remember that Allah has placed between you and her “friendship and mercy”
(mawadda wa rahma), not the gratification of your every lust.
6. He must never ever divulge the secrets of the household and those of the married couple.
7. He must strive with sincerity to acquire her trust, and seek her welfare in all the actions that pertain to her.
8. He must treat her generously at all times. If she works outside the house, it is praiseworthy for the husband to hire house help to relieve her from too heavy a burden. The wife’s duties do not require her to feed her child, nor even to nurse it, nor to clean nor cook. It is the husband’s duty to provide a nursemaid, food for older children, and servants to clean and cook. However, if the wife does those things out of mercy and love, it is a gift to the husband on her part.
9. He must avoid excessive jealousy
10. He must protect her honor and not place her in situations where it is compromised or belittled.
11. He must exercise patience and forgiveness in the case of disagreement or dispute.
12. He must not dwell on what he dislikes in his wife, but on what he likes.
13. The husband is not to stay away from his wife or keep his wife in a state of suspense, whether at home or abroad, for a protracted period of time except with her consent.
14. The Prophet (S.A.W) said: “Do not beat your wife.” He also said: “Do not strike your wife in the face.” The expiation for striking one’s slave in the face is to set him or her free on the spot, but what expiation is there for striking one’s wife? The Prophet (S.A.W) condemned the man who beats his wife in the day and then approaches her at night. And to beat her to the extent of inflicting serious injury is enough grounds for her to obtain divorce from the judge.
15. Caring for one’s wife’s sexual fulfillment is an obligation of religion. The Prophet (S.A.W) warned against rushing to gratify one’s pleasure and forgetting that of one’s wife. He also disliked that the husband should quickly withdraw from his wife afterwards, as it is a strain upon the wife. If she asks for intercourse, he should not refuse.
Source: Jannah.org
Source: http://1000gooddeeds.com/2009/10/14/good-deed-49-be-kind-to-your-wife/
2. And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (30:21)
3. 4:19 (Y. Ali) O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.
4. Narrated Sa’d bin Abi Waqqas: Allah’s Apostle said, “You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allah’s sake even if it were a morsel which you put in your wife’s mouth.” (Bukhari)
5. The Prophet (S.A.W) prayed for such people: “May Allah grant mercy to a man who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up his wife, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face; may Allah grant mercy to a woman who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up her husband, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.”
6. Is there any man among you who goes to his wife, closes the door behind them, covers themselves and conceals themselves by Allah’s concealing?” They said: “Yes.” He then said: “Then he sits after that [with others] and says, ‘I did this and that.’” They were silent. He then turned to the women and said: “Do any of you talk about such things?” They, too, were silent. Then a young girl stood up on her toes so the Prophet (S.A.W) could see her and hear her and she said: “O Messenger of Allah they [the men] certainly talk about that and they [the women] also talk about it.” He (S.A.W) said: “Do you know what they are like? They are like a female devil who met a male devil in the street and they satisfied their desires with the people looking on.” (Sahih Abu Daud)
7. Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: A man came to the Prophet and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! I have enlisted in the army for such-and-such Ghazwa, and my wife is leaving for Hajj.” Allah’s Apostle said, “Go back and perform Hajj with your wife.”
8. The Prophet (S.A.W) said that the best gift or charity (sadaqa) is that spent on one’s wife.
9. The Prophet (S.A.W) has said, “No believing man hates his believing wife. If there is a bad quality in her, there will also be a good quality.”
10. The Prophet (S.A.W) said, “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.”
11. Related by Ayesha (R.A) that the Prophet (S.A.W) said, “Good among you are those who are good to their wives; and I, on my part, am very good to my wives.”
Action Plan
1. The first and worthiest condition of marriage to be fulfilled by the husband is to keep the promise or promises he made to the wife at the time he married her.
2. The husband cannot order her to do anything that is against Islam.
3. He must exercise patience and be prepared to listen to her advice in every situation.
4. If she invites him to wake up and perform the late night prayer, it is praiseworthy for him to do so and vice-versa. He must respect her and pay attention to her needs so that she will respect him and pay attention to his.
5. He must control his passions and act in a moderate manner especially in the context of sexual
intercourse. Remember that Allah has placed between you and her “friendship and mercy”
(mawadda wa rahma), not the gratification of your every lust.
6. He must never ever divulge the secrets of the household and those of the married couple.
7. He must strive with sincerity to acquire her trust, and seek her welfare in all the actions that pertain to her.
8. He must treat her generously at all times. If she works outside the house, it is praiseworthy for the husband to hire house help to relieve her from too heavy a burden. The wife’s duties do not require her to feed her child, nor even to nurse it, nor to clean nor cook. It is the husband’s duty to provide a nursemaid, food for older children, and servants to clean and cook. However, if the wife does those things out of mercy and love, it is a gift to the husband on her part.
9. He must avoid excessive jealousy
10. He must protect her honor and not place her in situations where it is compromised or belittled.
11. He must exercise patience and forgiveness in the case of disagreement or dispute.
12. He must not dwell on what he dislikes in his wife, but on what he likes.
13. The husband is not to stay away from his wife or keep his wife in a state of suspense, whether at home or abroad, for a protracted period of time except with her consent.
14. The Prophet (S.A.W) said: “Do not beat your wife.” He also said: “Do not strike your wife in the face.” The expiation for striking one’s slave in the face is to set him or her free on the spot, but what expiation is there for striking one’s wife? The Prophet (S.A.W) condemned the man who beats his wife in the day and then approaches her at night. And to beat her to the extent of inflicting serious injury is enough grounds for her to obtain divorce from the judge.
15. Caring for one’s wife’s sexual fulfillment is an obligation of religion. The Prophet (S.A.W) warned against rushing to gratify one’s pleasure and forgetting that of one’s wife. He also disliked that the husband should quickly withdraw from his wife afterwards, as it is a strain upon the wife. If she asks for intercourse, he should not refuse.
Source: Jannah.org
Source: http://1000gooddeeds.com/2009/10/14/good-deed-49-be-kind-to-your-wife/
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The Mother of Tests – Balancing Islam with Difficult Parents by Bushra
We’ve all been there. The situation where our parents are displeased with us for choosing to study a subject other than Medicine or Engineering at university. Or, opposing our choice of partner who is deemed to be ‘unsuitable’ because they’re from a different culture or caste.
We seem to go through these situations one way or another. But how do we deal with practicing Islam whilst our family and friends refuse to understand our newfound ways? Exchanging friends is much easier than changing our families. So how should one tackle such a sensitive and potentially volatile state of affairs?
Allah (S.W.T) tells us in the Qurán: ‘Worship Allâh and join none with Him (in worship), and do good to parents…’ (Surah An-Nisa; v. 36)
Therefore, we are supposed to worship Allah and be good and dutiful to our parents. It’s pretty clear-cut and straightforward, right? Wrong. It’s actually not as straightforward as we would like it to be. There is a profound emphasis on obeying one’s parents within Islam; however first and foremost, we are all in pursuit of Allah’s pleasure. This can only be obtained by following His commands and following the example of His Messenger, Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W): ‘Say (O Muhammad (S.A.W) to mankind): “If you (really) love Allâh then follow me, Allâh will love you and forgive you your sins…’ (Surah Ál-Imran; v.31)
So when a brother or a sister is in a situation where they are being asked to take off their hijab or shave off their beard, what should they do? Should they disobey their parents and go against their demands, or should they disobey Allah and comply with their parents’ desires?
Although obeying Allah’s command is our ultimate priority in this life; when confronted with such a situation, I have heard about many brothers and sisters reacting very harshly to their parents, to the extent of breaking ties with them. Instead of explaining to their parents that they can’t go against Allah and His Messenger, they hurt them by lashing out at them, which usually culminates in a huge argument. This totally goes against the attitude that Islam teaches us with regard to treating our neighbors, let alone our parents. Of course, we would all love to have parents who support us throughout the thick and thin of our Islamic improvement. But have we ever stopped to think that their antagonism towards their ‘reborn’ Muslim child might be partly attributable to the child’s conduct with them?
I recently attended a seminar based on the Islamic ideals of a family, part of which dealt with children’s duties towards their parents. SubhanAllah, it is amazing how much is due to our parents, even if they’re non-Muslim, and yet, we still don’t treat them the way they deserve to be treated.
‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar saw a Yemeni man performing Tawâf while carrying his mother on his back. This man said to Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar, “I am like a tame camel for her! I have carried her more than she carried me. Do you think I have paid her back, O Ibn ‘Umar?” Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar replied, “No, not even one labor pain when she was giving birth to you!” (Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad and authenticated by Al-Albaani)
I guess the million-dollar question is: how do we find the balance between being dutiful to our parents without losing our patience with their antagonism, and being true worshippers of Allah?
All it requires is love and patience. Many of us take our parents for granted, expecting them to understand our slant on the deen. Some of them have grown up knowing Islam through their parents and relatives, or doing things because ‘imaam-sahib said so’. If they’re not Muslim, then they might not know anything about Islam or, due to politics and misconceptions in the media, even hate it. We need to learn how to deal with this in the most sensitive manner possible because, in the zeal of our youth, it is very easy to lose our cool when talking to our parents about something of which we feel so ardently.
When people hate or dislike something we do, it’s mainly because they don’t understand why we’re doing it. To make the situation worse, if we react badly to our parents’ disapproval of our practice of Islam, it only makes them think badly of the way we are following Islam or our similarly ‘Islamic’ friends. To avoid such a situation even arising, I believe we should begin by explaining our basis for changing our ways in a loving manner.
Some people are insensitive to their parents’ personalities, especially when it comes to what is important to them. I know of someone whose father really loves music, which has been a cause of conflict between parent and child for several years resulting in heated arguments and the child being disrespectful to their father. What this person initially started off doing for the sake of Allah actually ended up displeasing Allah due to not being able to practice the basic Islamic etiquettes with their own parents.
A tried and tested way to get your point across is a five-step plan:
1. Think about the issue that is most important to you.
For example, if you are worried about having to attend a mixed gathering full of free-mixing and the fact that your parents don’t pray salah regularly, then filter through what is most important to you first. In this case, salah is far more important, so it is necessary to talk about that first. Pick your battles carefully.
2. Knowing what your parents are receptive to
If your mother loves receiving flowers, then do that for her before you speak to her. Tell her how much you love her and that you want the best for her in the dunya and the akhirah. And then go on to tell her about the importance of salah, its benefits and what it means not to pray.
‘Mom, I really love you and I want you to attain the highest ranks of Jannah, and I feel that following Allah’s commands are the only way for us to do that. I truly want you and dad to experience eternal happiness.’
The above is an example, but what I am trying to highlight is the importance of observing your parents’ needs before you approach them with something so sensitive. They’ll appreciate you for paying attention to their little likes and dislikes.
3. Keep your cool.
In such situations, parents might get annoyed at the fact that their child, whom they have brought up and whom they have taught everything he or she knows, is telling them how to live their lives. They will get upset or argue with you, but at such times, the best thing to do is just step back and keep quiet. Don’t say anything until they’ve calmed down a little. Most importantly, don’t lose your temper. Not only will it undo everything you have done so far, you will also accrue sin for being rude to your parents.
4. Maintain good adab.
Good manners are observed by everyone, especially your parents. Being helpful, polite and tending to their needs around the home may help them realize that they have been blessed with a righteous child. Sometimes we are so engrossed in our own lives that we end up ignoring our parents. If you don’t live with your parents for whatever reason, try to visit them more often than once a month or send them gifts (like that non-stick saucepan set your mother always wanted). Islam teaches us to be well-mannered; it’s inherent within the deen. In fact, I feel that the more devout a Muslim becomes, the better his manners should be towards his family. Lead by example.
5. Lastly, don’t lose hope.
Guidance is only within Allah’s power, not our own. You can keep repeating steps 1-4, but at the end of the day, only Allah will give your parents and family hidayah. Make sincere du’a for them, be good to them and keep trying. Be an example to everyone around you and keep your intentions pure. Perseverance is key. The Prophet (S.A.W) never gave up on his uncle, Abu Talib, not even till the day he died. Even when it seemed like he might just accept Islam on his deathbed, Abu Jahl reminded him of the loyalty towards his forefathers’ religion. Despite that, the Prophet (S.A.W) continued asking Allah (S.W.T) for forgiveness for his uncle, until he received the revelation that asking forgiveness for the mushrikun is not permissible.
‘It is not (proper) for the Prophet and those who believe to ask Allâh’s forgiveness for the Mushrikûn (polytheists, idolaters, pagans, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allâh) even though they be of kin, after it has become clear to them that they are the dwellers of the Fire (because they died in a state of disbelief).’ (Surah at-Tawbah; v.113)
However, when asking Allah for guidance, do not underestimate the power of du’a. Don’t give up.
We will all experience this at some point in our lives, but we should view these obstacles as tests. Allah (S.W.T) never burdens His slaves with more than they can bear and ultimately, we should use such tests as a way of coming closer to Him.
I leave you with a thought-provoking story.
There was once a father and son. When the father reached old age, the son began thinking about the inheritance money that would be due to him upon his father’s death. His greed eventually overcame him and he became impatient, as it seemed his father’s demise would not be imminent. He therefore devised a plan to murder his father, and on a quiet night, approached his father’s bedside as he slept. He tied his father up and carried him to a nearby bridge. As he was about to throw him off the bridge, his father stopped him and calmly said to him, “Son, before you throw me off, just walk a couple of yards to your right for that is where I threw my own father from this very bridge.”
Ultimately, what we do to our parents will be done to us by our children.
May Allah (S.W.T) guide us all. Ameen.
Source: http://muslimmatters.org/2010/04/30/the-mother-of-tests-balancing-islam-with-difficult-parents-2/
We seem to go through these situations one way or another. But how do we deal with practicing Islam whilst our family and friends refuse to understand our newfound ways? Exchanging friends is much easier than changing our families. So how should one tackle such a sensitive and potentially volatile state of affairs?
Allah (S.W.T) tells us in the Qurán: ‘Worship Allâh and join none with Him (in worship), and do good to parents…’ (Surah An-Nisa; v. 36)
Therefore, we are supposed to worship Allah and be good and dutiful to our parents. It’s pretty clear-cut and straightforward, right? Wrong. It’s actually not as straightforward as we would like it to be. There is a profound emphasis on obeying one’s parents within Islam; however first and foremost, we are all in pursuit of Allah’s pleasure. This can only be obtained by following His commands and following the example of His Messenger, Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W): ‘Say (O Muhammad (S.A.W) to mankind): “If you (really) love Allâh then follow me, Allâh will love you and forgive you your sins…’ (Surah Ál-Imran; v.31)
So when a brother or a sister is in a situation where they are being asked to take off their hijab or shave off their beard, what should they do? Should they disobey their parents and go against their demands, or should they disobey Allah and comply with their parents’ desires?
Although obeying Allah’s command is our ultimate priority in this life; when confronted with such a situation, I have heard about many brothers and sisters reacting very harshly to their parents, to the extent of breaking ties with them. Instead of explaining to their parents that they can’t go against Allah and His Messenger, they hurt them by lashing out at them, which usually culminates in a huge argument. This totally goes against the attitude that Islam teaches us with regard to treating our neighbors, let alone our parents. Of course, we would all love to have parents who support us throughout the thick and thin of our Islamic improvement. But have we ever stopped to think that their antagonism towards their ‘reborn’ Muslim child might be partly attributable to the child’s conduct with them?
I recently attended a seminar based on the Islamic ideals of a family, part of which dealt with children’s duties towards their parents. SubhanAllah, it is amazing how much is due to our parents, even if they’re non-Muslim, and yet, we still don’t treat them the way they deserve to be treated.
‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar saw a Yemeni man performing Tawâf while carrying his mother on his back. This man said to Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar, “I am like a tame camel for her! I have carried her more than she carried me. Do you think I have paid her back, O Ibn ‘Umar?” Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar replied, “No, not even one labor pain when she was giving birth to you!” (Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad and authenticated by Al-Albaani)
I guess the million-dollar question is: how do we find the balance between being dutiful to our parents without losing our patience with their antagonism, and being true worshippers of Allah?
All it requires is love and patience. Many of us take our parents for granted, expecting them to understand our slant on the deen. Some of them have grown up knowing Islam through their parents and relatives, or doing things because ‘imaam-sahib said so’. If they’re not Muslim, then they might not know anything about Islam or, due to politics and misconceptions in the media, even hate it. We need to learn how to deal with this in the most sensitive manner possible because, in the zeal of our youth, it is very easy to lose our cool when talking to our parents about something of which we feel so ardently.
When people hate or dislike something we do, it’s mainly because they don’t understand why we’re doing it. To make the situation worse, if we react badly to our parents’ disapproval of our practice of Islam, it only makes them think badly of the way we are following Islam or our similarly ‘Islamic’ friends. To avoid such a situation even arising, I believe we should begin by explaining our basis for changing our ways in a loving manner.
Some people are insensitive to their parents’ personalities, especially when it comes to what is important to them. I know of someone whose father really loves music, which has been a cause of conflict between parent and child for several years resulting in heated arguments and the child being disrespectful to their father. What this person initially started off doing for the sake of Allah actually ended up displeasing Allah due to not being able to practice the basic Islamic etiquettes with their own parents.
A tried and tested way to get your point across is a five-step plan:
1. Think about the issue that is most important to you.
For example, if you are worried about having to attend a mixed gathering full of free-mixing and the fact that your parents don’t pray salah regularly, then filter through what is most important to you first. In this case, salah is far more important, so it is necessary to talk about that first. Pick your battles carefully.
2. Knowing what your parents are receptive to
If your mother loves receiving flowers, then do that for her before you speak to her. Tell her how much you love her and that you want the best for her in the dunya and the akhirah. And then go on to tell her about the importance of salah, its benefits and what it means not to pray.
‘Mom, I really love you and I want you to attain the highest ranks of Jannah, and I feel that following Allah’s commands are the only way for us to do that. I truly want you and dad to experience eternal happiness.’
The above is an example, but what I am trying to highlight is the importance of observing your parents’ needs before you approach them with something so sensitive. They’ll appreciate you for paying attention to their little likes and dislikes.
3. Keep your cool.
In such situations, parents might get annoyed at the fact that their child, whom they have brought up and whom they have taught everything he or she knows, is telling them how to live their lives. They will get upset or argue with you, but at such times, the best thing to do is just step back and keep quiet. Don’t say anything until they’ve calmed down a little. Most importantly, don’t lose your temper. Not only will it undo everything you have done so far, you will also accrue sin for being rude to your parents.
4. Maintain good adab.
Good manners are observed by everyone, especially your parents. Being helpful, polite and tending to their needs around the home may help them realize that they have been blessed with a righteous child. Sometimes we are so engrossed in our own lives that we end up ignoring our parents. If you don’t live with your parents for whatever reason, try to visit them more often than once a month or send them gifts (like that non-stick saucepan set your mother always wanted). Islam teaches us to be well-mannered; it’s inherent within the deen. In fact, I feel that the more devout a Muslim becomes, the better his manners should be towards his family. Lead by example.
5. Lastly, don’t lose hope.
Guidance is only within Allah’s power, not our own. You can keep repeating steps 1-4, but at the end of the day, only Allah will give your parents and family hidayah. Make sincere du’a for them, be good to them and keep trying. Be an example to everyone around you and keep your intentions pure. Perseverance is key. The Prophet (S.A.W) never gave up on his uncle, Abu Talib, not even till the day he died. Even when it seemed like he might just accept Islam on his deathbed, Abu Jahl reminded him of the loyalty towards his forefathers’ religion. Despite that, the Prophet (S.A.W) continued asking Allah (S.W.T) for forgiveness for his uncle, until he received the revelation that asking forgiveness for the mushrikun is not permissible.
‘It is not (proper) for the Prophet and those who believe to ask Allâh’s forgiveness for the Mushrikûn (polytheists, idolaters, pagans, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allâh) even though they be of kin, after it has become clear to them that they are the dwellers of the Fire (because they died in a state of disbelief).’ (Surah at-Tawbah; v.113)
However, when asking Allah for guidance, do not underestimate the power of du’a. Don’t give up.
We will all experience this at some point in our lives, but we should view these obstacles as tests. Allah (S.W.T) never burdens His slaves with more than they can bear and ultimately, we should use such tests as a way of coming closer to Him.
I leave you with a thought-provoking story.
There was once a father and son. When the father reached old age, the son began thinking about the inheritance money that would be due to him upon his father’s death. His greed eventually overcame him and he became impatient, as it seemed his father’s demise would not be imminent. He therefore devised a plan to murder his father, and on a quiet night, approached his father’s bedside as he slept. He tied his father up and carried him to a nearby bridge. As he was about to throw him off the bridge, his father stopped him and calmly said to him, “Son, before you throw me off, just walk a couple of yards to your right for that is where I threw my own father from this very bridge.”
Ultimately, what we do to our parents will be done to us by our children.
May Allah (S.W.T) guide us all. Ameen.
Source: http://muslimmatters.org/2010/04/30/the-mother-of-tests-balancing-islam-with-difficult-parents-2/
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Obedience to Parents: The Test of Our Generation? by Ibn Abee Omar
An interesting article about a common issue in Muslim socities today.
As I was formulating my thoughts on this post, I finally got around to burning a certain lecture by Yasir Qadhi on CD and listening to it in the car. I finished listening to it. I was blown away. Then I listened to it again with my wife, and this time I wished that somehow my 2 year old could be made to understand, appreciate, and implement all of what was said in that talk. Needless to say, his refusal to stop screaming or start sleeping on time hasn’t subsided. The original direction of this post though, has changed.
There is no denying the status of our parents. Period. There is no dispute on the rights due to them, but isn’t it rough sometimes?
I feel that many first-generation Muslims in the West face an especially tough time with doing birr al-walidayn (i.e. being of the utmost good to your parents at all times). Before we get into that though, let’s look at some history.
Most immigrant parents came here to go to school, to work, or open businesses. While some studied engineering, others studied business, some opened up gas stations, and yet others came for the ultimate prize of medical school. In all of these cases though, they left home at a young age and went overseas. After studying, establishing themselves as professionals, buying a car, and buying a house like good Muslim children, they went back home, got married, and brought their wife over here. Then they lived happily ever after.
They would go back home once a year, or once every other year and visit family. Email wasn’t around back then, so they would make short phone calls every month to check in, and not run up the long distance bill (how else can one afford the American dream?). They weren’t sure what they were going to do long term, but for now they were living a better life than back home and had more opportunities. Then they had kids, and those kids grew up. Now those kids were going to college, experimenting with the culture around them, and well, living the American dream as well.
Then a funny thing happened.
Instead of going out and finding their own way as their parents did, they were all of a sudden faced with the ultimate fitnah for a young person: the overbearing parent. The parent decided what the child was going to study (medicine, engineering, law, or “computers”), and who they were going to marry (your first cousin, or that girl you met when you went to Pakistan 6 years ago that lives on the street behind you).
For the “less practicing” of the Muslim youth, this is too much to bear. I know of countless people who lost their way due to this type of overbearing parent. These are the kids that run away from home at the first opportunity and jump headfirst into experimenting with their newfound freedoms.
These types of parents come in a wide variety. You know the types. The mom who sends her kid off to college, and then asks him if she can come live in his dorm with him. Or the parents who call you every day when class gets out to make sure you are coming straight home.
For those kids who are trying to be good to their parents though, it creates a dilemma. Obviously they love their parents, and would be willing to do anything that is halal to please them. Most of these kids will study subjects they don’t want to. They even marry people they don’t want to marry. But at some point down the line, the frustrations will boil over and they will break.
So the question now is, where is the line drawn? The problem, it seems, is that most parents have not dealt with the overbearing parent – because they got themselves on a 24 hour plane ride and got the heck out at that age. So they sometimes don’t know what the situation is like. They might not realize when they are being over-demanding.
For others though, the situation is not necessarily an overbearing parent, but a clueless parent. This is the parent that has not integrated in society. You know the types, they have been here for 20 years still can’t speak 2 full sentences of English. The only thing that they watch on TV is satellite from the homeland. They’re the ones who show up at their 5th graders PTA meetings and tell the teacher, “My son very smart, he become doctor.”
This is the type of parent who doesn’t even know how to turn on a computer, much less find pictures of their kids on Facebook and Myspace clubbing and drinking. Then when they got a call from the ER because their kid OD’ed on something, they overreact and lay down the gauntlet.
Of course, not all our parents are clueless/overbearing. Many of them are quite level headed and understanding. But to their kids they will still see them as being of one of those two categories.
Back to the original point though, what defines over-demanding? How do you cope with it?
What about education? Marriage? How to raise your children, or where to send them to school? What is the line of allowing parents to ‘interfere’ but at the same time living your own life and with your own family?
What are the limits of obedience? There is a distinction between strict obedience (aside from what is Haram), and actually doing birr towards them. Oftentimes though, the two are intertwined. Not ‘listening’ to something, even though you may disagree with it heavily, can be taken as the ultimate sign of disrespect.
Regardless of what type of parent you have, there will be a clash. Firstly, because it’s the nature of kids to go against their parents sometimes, but for this first generation of people born here, there is a big culture clash as well. How do we get our parents to understand what we go through? How can we set up communication with our parents to discuss these issues without offending or disrespecting them?
How does the first generation of Muslims balance between trying to live their lives in goodness to their parents, even though their outlook on many fundamental issues may be radically different due to their upbringing?
The more people I talk to, it seems the more people I find who are facing these tests. It’s a unique situation given the background, so I pose the question: Is being good to our parents one of the tests that can define our generation?
I realize that this question can be even tougher for those brothers and sisters whose parents are not Muslim. Whenever I read the ayah that says be kind to your parents, and if they ask you to commit shirk, then do not listen to them in that – I feel relieved that alhamdulillah no matter what frustrations I have, at least this is one test I do not have to face. I believe that some of these questions that are posed are tough questions, and the answers are even tougher. We all realize that no matter what frustration we feel, we can never make up for the difficulties we put our parents through. Sometimes even getting a gift for your parents – no matter how nice – can feel somewhat embarrassing when one reflects on all the acts of kindness you have received from your parents.
I have been reflecting a lot lately on the hadith about the one whose parents are alive, and yet he does not earn Jannah through them. As Sheikh Yasir mentioned in his talk, we cannot show even the slightest disrespect to them even though we feel natural frustration. The question is, how do we deal with that frustration, and are our frustrations significantly greater than those of other generations or nations?
Oh Allah have mercy on my parents, as they raised me when I was young.
Also see: Feeling the Love: 60+ Ways to Please Your Parents
Source: http://muslimmatters.org/2008/05/09/obedience-to-parents-the-test-of-our-generation/
As I was formulating my thoughts on this post, I finally got around to burning a certain lecture by Yasir Qadhi on CD and listening to it in the car. I finished listening to it. I was blown away. Then I listened to it again with my wife, and this time I wished that somehow my 2 year old could be made to understand, appreciate, and implement all of what was said in that talk. Needless to say, his refusal to stop screaming or start sleeping on time hasn’t subsided. The original direction of this post though, has changed.
There is no denying the status of our parents. Period. There is no dispute on the rights due to them, but isn’t it rough sometimes?
I feel that many first-generation Muslims in the West face an especially tough time with doing birr al-walidayn (i.e. being of the utmost good to your parents at all times). Before we get into that though, let’s look at some history.
Most immigrant parents came here to go to school, to work, or open businesses. While some studied engineering, others studied business, some opened up gas stations, and yet others came for the ultimate prize of medical school. In all of these cases though, they left home at a young age and went overseas. After studying, establishing themselves as professionals, buying a car, and buying a house like good Muslim children, they went back home, got married, and brought their wife over here. Then they lived happily ever after.
They would go back home once a year, or once every other year and visit family. Email wasn’t around back then, so they would make short phone calls every month to check in, and not run up the long distance bill (how else can one afford the American dream?). They weren’t sure what they were going to do long term, but for now they were living a better life than back home and had more opportunities. Then they had kids, and those kids grew up. Now those kids were going to college, experimenting with the culture around them, and well, living the American dream as well.
Then a funny thing happened.
Instead of going out and finding their own way as their parents did, they were all of a sudden faced with the ultimate fitnah for a young person: the overbearing parent. The parent decided what the child was going to study (medicine, engineering, law, or “computers”), and who they were going to marry (your first cousin, or that girl you met when you went to Pakistan 6 years ago that lives on the street behind you).
For the “less practicing” of the Muslim youth, this is too much to bear. I know of countless people who lost their way due to this type of overbearing parent. These are the kids that run away from home at the first opportunity and jump headfirst into experimenting with their newfound freedoms.
These types of parents come in a wide variety. You know the types. The mom who sends her kid off to college, and then asks him if she can come live in his dorm with him. Or the parents who call you every day when class gets out to make sure you are coming straight home.
For those kids who are trying to be good to their parents though, it creates a dilemma. Obviously they love their parents, and would be willing to do anything that is halal to please them. Most of these kids will study subjects they don’t want to. They even marry people they don’t want to marry. But at some point down the line, the frustrations will boil over and they will break.
So the question now is, where is the line drawn? The problem, it seems, is that most parents have not dealt with the overbearing parent – because they got themselves on a 24 hour plane ride and got the heck out at that age. So they sometimes don’t know what the situation is like. They might not realize when they are being over-demanding.
For others though, the situation is not necessarily an overbearing parent, but a clueless parent. This is the parent that has not integrated in society. You know the types, they have been here for 20 years still can’t speak 2 full sentences of English. The only thing that they watch on TV is satellite from the homeland. They’re the ones who show up at their 5th graders PTA meetings and tell the teacher, “My son very smart, he become doctor.”
This is the type of parent who doesn’t even know how to turn on a computer, much less find pictures of their kids on Facebook and Myspace clubbing and drinking. Then when they got a call from the ER because their kid OD’ed on something, they overreact and lay down the gauntlet.
Of course, not all our parents are clueless/overbearing. Many of them are quite level headed and understanding. But to their kids they will still see them as being of one of those two categories.
Back to the original point though, what defines over-demanding? How do you cope with it?
What about education? Marriage? How to raise your children, or where to send them to school? What is the line of allowing parents to ‘interfere’ but at the same time living your own life and with your own family?
What are the limits of obedience? There is a distinction between strict obedience (aside from what is Haram), and actually doing birr towards them. Oftentimes though, the two are intertwined. Not ‘listening’ to something, even though you may disagree with it heavily, can be taken as the ultimate sign of disrespect.
Regardless of what type of parent you have, there will be a clash. Firstly, because it’s the nature of kids to go against their parents sometimes, but for this first generation of people born here, there is a big culture clash as well. How do we get our parents to understand what we go through? How can we set up communication with our parents to discuss these issues without offending or disrespecting them?
How does the first generation of Muslims balance between trying to live their lives in goodness to their parents, even though their outlook on many fundamental issues may be radically different due to their upbringing?
The more people I talk to, it seems the more people I find who are facing these tests. It’s a unique situation given the background, so I pose the question: Is being good to our parents one of the tests that can define our generation?
I realize that this question can be even tougher for those brothers and sisters whose parents are not Muslim. Whenever I read the ayah that says be kind to your parents, and if they ask you to commit shirk, then do not listen to them in that – I feel relieved that alhamdulillah no matter what frustrations I have, at least this is one test I do not have to face. I believe that some of these questions that are posed are tough questions, and the answers are even tougher. We all realize that no matter what frustration we feel, we can never make up for the difficulties we put our parents through. Sometimes even getting a gift for your parents – no matter how nice – can feel somewhat embarrassing when one reflects on all the acts of kindness you have received from your parents.
I have been reflecting a lot lately on the hadith about the one whose parents are alive, and yet he does not earn Jannah through them. As Sheikh Yasir mentioned in his talk, we cannot show even the slightest disrespect to them even though we feel natural frustration. The question is, how do we deal with that frustration, and are our frustrations significantly greater than those of other generations or nations?
Oh Allah have mercy on my parents, as they raised me when I was young.
Also see: Feeling the Love: 60+ Ways to Please Your Parents
Source: http://muslimmatters.org/2008/05/09/obedience-to-parents-the-test-of-our-generation/
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